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The table charts below provide information about the destinations and employment of UK first degree holders Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant v.1

The table charts below provide information about the destinations and employment of UK first degree holders
Over the years, it is a common trend for workers to get little or no exercise while working or even during their free period, and as a result of this they now have serious health issues. This essay will state that the competitive labour force is the primary reason for the insufficient rest and also include that mandatory participation in breaks as a solution. The high competitiveness of the labour force is the major reason why workers find it hard exercising. To put it in another way, in order to stay relevant and on top of their jobs, it has been observed that employees tend to put in extra hours so as to meet up with targets and achieve goals which could place them in a better position for a promotion. Consequently, they ignore the importance of taking a rest and doing exercises, therefore, putting them at risks of ill health. For example, it has been reported by the WHO that prolonged sitting for more than six hours predisposes one to hypertension and type-2 diabetes and these has been on the increase amongst workers. Furthermore, in order to ensure that employees are in good health, it is highly essential that the employer makes it mandatory for every member of staff to take frequent breaks while working. This includes taking a walk around the office facility. Also, the management could also provide exercising facilities and make it paramount that every member participates in relieving stress of working in order to prevent breaking down while working and a poor attitude to work. For instance, there was a relatively increased productivity at Nestle Nigeria after the management made it compulsory for all members of staff to take occasional breaks while working. In conclusion, the competitive nature of work is the main reason why workers do not exercise. It is however important that they take breaks while working in order to prevent them from falling ill.
Over the years, it is a common trend for workers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
or no exercise while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
or even during their free period, and
as a result
of this they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
have serious health issues. This essay will state that the competitive
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
force is the primary reason for the insufficient rest and
also
include that mandatory participation in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
breaks
as a solution.

The high competitiveness of the
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
force is the major reason why workers find it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
exercising. To put it in another way, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
order
to stay relevant and on top of their jobs, it has
been observed
that employees tend to put in extra hours
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
up with targets and achieve goals which could place them in a better position for a promotion.
Consequently
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
the importance of taking a rest and doing exercises,
therefore
, putting them at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
of ill health.
For example
, it has
been reported
by the WHO that prolonged sitting for more than six hours predisposes one to hypertension and type-2 diabetes and
The verb 'has' is singular. Did you mean: "This has" or "these have", "these haven"?
these has
been on the increase amongst workers.

Furthermore
, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
order
to ensure that employees are in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health, it is
highly
essential that the employer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it mandatory for every member of staff to take frequent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
breaks
while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
. This includes taking a walk around the office facility.
Also
, the management could
also
provide exercising facilities and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it paramount that every member participates in relieving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
order
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
breaking down while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
and a poor attitude to work.
For instance
, there was a
relatively
increased productivity at Nestle Nigeria after the management made it compulsory for all members of staff to take occasional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
breaks
while working.

In conclusion
, the competitive nature of work is the main reason why workers do not exercise. It is
however
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that they take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
breaks
while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
order
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
them from falling ill.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The table charts below provide information about the destinations and employment of UK first degree holders

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
322 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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