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Describe the first mobile phone that you have got. When and where did you get it? What did you mostly use it for? What difference did it make to your life? Why? v.1

Describe the first mobile phone that you have got. When and where did you get it? What did you mostly use it for? What difference did it make to your life? Why? v. 1
A good infrastructure is the backbone of a thriving economy. Policy makers often debate over different projects their government should invest in, especially railways or roads. This essay will argue that despite being a costly affair, nations must allocate funds to railways because it not only generates employment, but also causes less pollution. Roads are considered to be the lifeline of a country. There are many people who believe that governments must invest a major share of funds in building good roads because they allow door-to-door access to remote areas and can be easily built at high altitudes too. Furthermore, when compared to trains, it is much cheaper to construct roads. For instance, it is less challenging to construct tunnels and build roads in the mountains than laying down tracks for trains. For these reasons, governments should spend more money on roads. However, the idea of spending more money on roads is completely flawed and ill-formed. Railways provide employment and business opportunities to thousands of people, including the ones living in deep rural areas. According to a study done by Delhi University, a small railway station with just one platform employees more than fifty people on average. Moreover, in comparison to road trips, train travel is more economical and environment-friendly. These reasons bolster the notion that countries must heavily invest in building railway networks. To conclude, on the one hand, roads provide easy access to remote areas and are cheaper to build, but on the other hand, they do not provide any livelihood to people and vehicular traffic leads to pollution. Thus, I completely agree that countries should invest more money on railways.
A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
infrastructure is the backbone of a thriving economy.
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
Policy makers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
debate over
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
projects their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
invest
in,
especially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railways
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
. This essay will argue that despite being a costly affair, nations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
allocate funds to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railways
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
generates employment,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
causes less pollution.

Roads
are considered
to be the lifeline of a country. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
invest
a major share of funds in building
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
door-to-door access to remote areas and can be
easily
built at high altitudes too.
Furthermore
, when compared to trains, it is much cheaper to construct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
.
For instance
, it is less challenging to construct tunnels and build
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
in the mountains than laying down
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tracks
for trains. For these reasons,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should spend more money on roads.

However
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of spending more money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
is completely flawed and ill-formed.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Railways
provide employment and business opportunities to thousands of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, including the ones living in deep rural areas. According to a study done by Delhi University, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railway
station with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
one platform employees more than fifty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on average.
Moreover
,
in comparison
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
trips, train travel is more economical and environment-friendly. These reasons bolster the notion that countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
heavily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
invest
in building
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railway
networks.

To conclude
, on the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
provide easy access to remote areas and are cheaper to build,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
on the other hand
, they do not provide any livelihood to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and vehicular traffic leads to pollution.
Thus
, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that countries should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
invest
more money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railways
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Describe the first mobile phone that you have got. When and where did you get it? What did you mostly use it for? What difference did it make to your life? Why? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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