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A recent study has shown that over 50% of school children cannot write legibly. The researchers concluded that the widespread use of smartphones, tablets and computers by children from as young as 12 months old was to blame. We are now living in a “post v.1

A recent study has shown that over 50% of school children cannot write legibly. The researchers concluded that the widespread use of smartphones, tablets and computers by children from as young as 12 months old was to blame. We are now living in a “post v. 1
There is a difference of opinion regarding lecturing and playing for children. On the one hand, some say that they opt to attend classes outside regular school, but on the other hand, others disapprove that idea and claim that children should be given time to involve in outdoor activities. While extra classes may help keep them away from bad company, I believe that playing will aid in building their brain. As for those who believe that additional lectures are essential, they feel this way because it ensures children are able to avoid unhealthy association. If they are not fully engaged in educational activities after school, they may eventually fall into the wrong peer group which will not only offers immoral advice but also encourages an act of indiscipline. For instance, most secondary schools in my country, Nigeria, have made it mandatory for their students to take such classes so that they are kept away from such a union. However, this essay disagrees with this assertion because many children have been seen inducing in social vices despite hours of outside normal school lectures they are involved in. In contrast, there is considerable support for the notion that children should be allowed time to play and I completely agree. This is because it helps to improve children's cognitive and creative skills. Their skills are not taught in the school curriculum and they are useful later in the future to excel in business and in dealing with colleagues at the workplace when they eventually join the workforce. A team of educational experts, for example, carried out a recent in 1998 at Brimstone University, UK, to study the impact of play on children. They found out that adults who enjoyed adequate playing time when they were younger tend to effectively solve problems as seamlessly show attributes of team spirit. Thus, that example, supports the contention that playing should be a vital aspect of children's lives if they want to do well in years to come. To sum up, while people may vary greatly in their opinion, I hold the view that children should enjoy some playing time for their mental development.
There is a difference of opinion regarding lecturing and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
say that they opt to attend classes outside regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
on the other hand
, others disapprove that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to involve in outdoor activities. While extra classes may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them away from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
will aid in building their brain.

As for those who believe that additional lectures are essential, they feel this way
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it ensures
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are able to avoid unhealthy association. If they are not
fully
engaged in educational activities after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, they may
eventually
fall into the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
peer group which will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
offers immoral advice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
encourages an act of indiscipline.

For instance
, most secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
in my country, Nigeria, have made it mandatory for their students to take such classes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
away from such a union.
However
, this essay disagrees with this assertion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
inducing in social vices despite hours of outside normal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
lectures they
are involved
in.

In contrast
, there is considerable support for the notion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to play and I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
children's cognitive and creative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. Their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
are not taught in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
curriculum and
they are useful later in the future to excel in business and in dealing with colleagues at the workplace when they
eventually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
the workforce. A team of educational experts,
for example
, carried out a recent in 1998 at Brimstone University, UK, to study the impact of play on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. They found out that adults who enjoyed adequate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
when they were younger tend to
effectively
solve problems as
seamlessly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
attributes of team spirit.
Thus
, that example, supports the contention that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
should be a vital aspect of children's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
if they want to do well in years to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
.

To sum up, while
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may vary
greatly
in their opinion, I hold the view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should enjoy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for their mental development.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay A recent study has shown that over 50% of school children cannot write legibly. The researchers concluded that the widespread use of smartphones, tablets and computers by children from as young as 12 months old was to blame. We are now living in a “post v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
357 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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