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Some people say that parents have the most important role in a child’s development. However, others argue that other things like television or friends have the most significant influence. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people say that parents have the most important role in a child’s development. However, others argue that other things like television or friends have the most significant influence. v. 1
It is an irrefutable fact that the factors contributing to a child's growth are becoming debatable. It is often argued that parents play a vital role in a child's growth, whereas others disagree and think that children get more influenced by their peers or by watching television. This essay will discuss why a child's success is dependent on his parents' guidance, but why a pupil's growth driven by other things like TV, and his classmates, is ultimately superior. On the one hand, parents play a significant role to inspire their child to succeed in life as they know what is best for their child. Since kids always try to imitate their family members, especially their parents, which makes it easier for the parents to teach them good traits and moral values. To illustrate, parents often teach their child life lessons in the form of motivational stories from their own experiences. Hence, the generation gap between the parents and their offsprings do wonders for their extraordinary growth. On the other hand, the key role in the development of a child is played by the television and his colleagues nowadays. Firstly, children tend to spend 80% of their time in the school or playing with their friends or binge-watching television. In other words, surroundings and companionship, play a critical role in the growth of a child. For example, in a recent survey, it was noticed that students who watched more TV were more outspoken and had less stage-fear as compared to those who did not. Therefore, it is beneficial to learn lessons from friends as they are never forgotten. To conclude, while people may vary in their opinions, I think that children learn more comfortably and quickly in their peer-group as compared to by their parents. When I was a child, I learned to ride a bicycle from my friend and not by my mother or father irrespective of their huge efforts.
It is an irrefutable fact that the factors contributing to a child's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growth
are becoming debatable. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
play a vital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
in a child's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growth
, whereas others disagree and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more influenced by their peers or by watching television. This essay will discuss why a child's success is dependent on his parents' guidance,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
why a pupil's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growth
driven by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
things like TV, and his classmates, is
ultimately
superior.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
play a significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
to inspire their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to succeed in life as they know what is best for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
. Since kids always try to imitate their family members,
especially
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it easier for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to teach them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
traits and moral values. To illustrate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
teach their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
life lessons in the form of motivational stories from their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experiences.
Hence
, the generation gap between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
do wonders for their extraordinary growth.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, the key
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
in the development of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
is played
by the television and his colleagues nowadays.
Firstly
, children tend to spend 80% of their time in the school or playing with their friends or binge-watching television. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, surroundings and companionship, play a critical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growth
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
.
For example
, in a recent survey, it
was noticed
that students who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
more TV were more outspoken and had less stage-fear as compared to those who did not.
Therefore
, it is beneficial to learn lessons from friends as they are never forgotten.

To conclude
, while
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may vary in their opinions, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that children learn more
comfortably
and
quickly
in their peer-group as compared to by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. When I was a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
, I learned to ride a bicycle from my friend and not by my mother or father irrespective of their huge efforts.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that parents have the most important role in a child’s development. However, others argue that other things like television or friends have the most significant influence. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
320 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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