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The table below the worldwide market share of the notebook computer markets for manufacturers in the year 2006, 2007 and 2014 v.1

The table below the worldwide market share of the notebook computer markets for manufacturers in the year 2006, 2007 and 2014 v. 1
Accommodation should be chosen wisely as it plays an important role in every individual life. It is argued that people who live in the high-rise apartments have a much better sense of community than those who live in a house. While it is asserted by some dwelling in high-rise houses gives them a lonely experience. Admittedly, living in an apartment makes the relationship with neighbours is not good. As there are none communities like those in residential areas, people who like to socialize will feel more isolated. For example, if you live in a neighbourhood you will have weekly or monthly meetings, general cleaning activities or a festival event in your neighbourhood which gives you a lot of opportunities to talk. Living in towers is lacking communication with neighbours because you may only be exposed to security men or managers. It gives fewer opportunities to socialize and social life is less expensive. Moreover, living in condominiums that work on a bond with nature is restricted. There will be no rivers, gardens or parks if you are not in a high - end building. However, life in high-rise apartments is promising in terms of safety and security. The apartments are next to each other, so they are very conscious of the surrounding community. You will be embarrassed if you influence others by your noisy activities. Furthermore, high buildings may offer their citizens multiple amenities like local gyms, swimming pools, libraries and gardens, small playgrounds for children; hence, this helps their inhabitants to strengthen connections between the neighbours. In Japan, they have a common custom to greet surrounding people by making a small gift or having a short conversation. In that way, they all know their neighbours very well. In conclusion, I believe that high-rise apartments could indirectly decrease the community spirit. But it also depends on the friendliness of neighbours. In my opinion, life in skyscrapers will be quieter, modern and more comfortable. You will be protected 24/24. You can participate in social activities outside if you like without being forced. I believe that living in an apartment will give you a pretty interesting feeling.
Accommodation should
be chosen
wisely
as it plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in every individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. It
is argued
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high-rise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartments
have a much better sense of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
than those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
it
is asserted
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
dwelling in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high-rise
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gives
them a lonely experience.

Admittedly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the relationship with
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
. As there are none
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
like those in residential areas,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who like to socialize will feel more isolated.
For example
, if you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
you will have weekly or monthly meetings, general cleaning activities or a festival
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
in your
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gives
you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
opportunities to talk.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Living
in towers is lacking communication with
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
you may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be exposed
to security
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
or managers. It
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gives
fewer opportunities to socialize and social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is less expensive.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in condominiums that work on a bond with nature
is restricted
. There will be no rivers, gardens or parks if you are not in a high
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
building.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high-rise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartments
is promising in terms of safety and security. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartments
are
next
to each other,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
conscious of the surrounding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
. You will
be embarrassed
if you influence others by your noisy activities.
Furthermore
, high buildings may offer their citizens multiple amenities like local gyms, swimming pools, libraries and gardens,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
playgrounds for children;
hence
, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
their inhabitants to strengthen connections between the
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
. In Japan, they have a common custom to greet surrounding
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
by making a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
gift or having a short conversation. In that way, they all know their
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
conclusion, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high-rise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartments
could
indirectly
decrease the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
spirit.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
it
also
depends on the friendliness of
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in skyscrapers will be quieter, modern and more comfortable. You will
be protected
24/24. You can participate in social activities outside if you like without
being forced
. I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartment
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
you a pretty interesting feeling.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The table below the worldwide market share of the notebook computer markets for manufacturers in the year 2006, 2007 and 2014 v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
354 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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