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Some people believe that children should do what their parents tell them to do; others think children must learn to think for themselves. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.2

Some people believe that children should do what their parents tell them to do; others think children must learn to think for themselves. v. 2
TV channels ought to stop viewing adverts that are aimed at children. I completely agree with this statement as advertisements negatively influence children and encourage them to live unhealthy and materialistic lives. The main reason why children advertisements are bad is because children are easily influenced. Children cannot make decisions by themselves and cannot distinguish between good and bad products, unlike adults. As a consequence, they are attracted to any advertisement that is colourful and beautiful and they become interested in any new item that targets them. For instance, most children would want to buy a new toy if their favourite cartoon character was in the advert. As a result, they start pestering their parents to buy them these products and toys even if they cannot afford it. Governments must ban all children advertisements because they are detrimental to children. Many companies advertise their fast food to children and make it look as attractive as possible. This can be exemplified by McDonald’s Happy Meal that comes with a new toy every month to encourage children to buy it. As a result, children become addicted to fast food and suffer from obesity and health problems at such a young age. Furthermore, this development impacts the whole family since they must all eat fast food with their children at restaurants. Another problem is that due to the excessive exposure to adverts, children can become materialistic as they would start thinking that acquiring new objects is all there is to life. As a result, they grow into adults who value money and new items above anything else. In conclusion, the serious consequences of advertising to children must be recognized and, therefore, they must be banned from televisions and other media.
TV channels ought to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
viewing adverts that
are aimed
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
negatively
influence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and encourage them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
unhealthy and materialistic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

The main reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
easily
influenced.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
decisions by themselves and cannot distinguish between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
products, unlike adults. As a consequence, they
are attracted
to any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
that is
Possible spelling mistake. 'colourful' is British English.
colourful
and
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
beautiful and
they become interested in any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
item that targets them.
For instance
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
toy if their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
cartoon character was in the advert.
As a result
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
pestering their parents to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
them these products and toys even if they cannot afford it.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
ban all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are detrimental to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
advertise their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it look as attractive as possible. This can
be exemplified
by McDonald’s Happy Meal that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
toy every month to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
it.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
become addicted to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food and suffer from obesity and health problems at such a young age.
Furthermore
, this development impacts the whole family since they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
all eat
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at restaurants. Another problem is that due to the excessive exposure to adverts,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can become materialistic as they would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
thinking that acquiring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
objects is all there is to life.
As a result
, they grow into adults who value money and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
items above anything else.

In conclusion
, the serious consequences of advertising to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be recognized
and,
therefore
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be banned
from televisions and other media.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that children should do what their parents tell them to do; others think children must learn to think for themselves. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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