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The chart shows the end of year value for four major international money market indices from 2002 to 2008. [Dow Jones = US Market Index, DAX 30 = German Market Index, CAC 40 = French Market Index, KOSPI = Korean Market Index]Summarise the information by s v.1

The chart shows the end of year value for four major international money market indices from 2002 to 2008. [Dow Jones = US Market Index, DAX 30 = German Market Index, CAC 40 = French Market Index, KOSPI = Korean Market Index]
In recent years, the advent of sophisticated modern technologies has made online business meetings and online business training common. I believe that virtual meetings and training over the internet bring in more advantages than the drawbacks as they are environmentally friendly and cost effective. Admittedly, there are some basic benefits of conducting meetings and training in a traditional way. Firstly, face-to-face communication might be effective due to the fact that more than 60 per cent of communication involves body language and verbal cues. For example, according to a study, students with less attention span benefited the most out of classroom training rather than online training. Thus, physical interaction with teachers in a classroom setup is beneficial for students who are slow learners and require much attention. Nevertheless, despite the minor advantages of face-to-face meetings, online meetings and training play a vital role in conserving nature and save money. For instance, travelling by air significantly increases the emission of greenhouse gases. Having business meetings online would eliminate the need for air travel and reduce the carbon footprint of an individual. This would improve the quality of air and would make the earth a better place to live. Moreover, online classes not only reduce the cost of training, but also eliminate the expenses incurred in travelling, accommodation and course fees. This makes the classes affordable to all students. These arguments prove that training over the internet is more beneficial than traditional meetings and training. To conclude, face-to-face meetings are a serious waste of money, energy and above all not good for the environment. Therefore, the benefits of online training and meetings outweigh the benefits of traditional training and meetings. Given the rapidly growing technological advancements, one day online training would completely replace traditional training.
In recent years, the advent of sophisticated modern technologies has made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meetings
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
common. I believe that virtual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meetings
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
over the internet bring in more advantages than the drawbacks as they are
environmentally
friendly and cost effective.

Admittedly
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
basic benefits of conducting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meetings
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
way.
Firstly
, face-to-face communication might be effective due to the fact that more than 60 per cent of communication involves body language and verbal cues.
For example
, according to a study, students with less attention span benefited the most out of classroom
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
.
Thus
, physical interaction with teachers in a classroom setup is beneficial for students who are slow learners and require much attention.

Nevertheless
, despite the minor advantages of face-to-face
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meetings
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meetings
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
play a vital role in conserving nature and save money.
For instance
, travelling by air
significantly
increases the emission of greenhouse gases. Having business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meetings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
would eliminate the need for air travel and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the carbon footprint of an individual. This would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the quality of air and would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the earth a better place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
classes not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the cost of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
eliminate the expenses incurred in travelling, accommodation and course fees. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the classes affordable to all students. These arguments prove that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
over the internet is more beneficial than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meetings
and training.

To conclude
, face-to-face
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meetings
are a serious waste of money, energy and
above all
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for the environment.
Therefore
, the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meetings
outweigh the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meetings
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
the
rapidly
growing technological advancements, one day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
would completely replace
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The chart shows the end of year value for four major international money market indices from 2002 to 2008. [Dow Jones = US Market Index, DAX 30 = German Market Index, CAC 40 = French Market Index, KOSPI = Korean Market Index]

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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