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The table below shows the worldwide market share of mobile phone market for manufacturers in the years 2005 and 2006. v.1

The table below shows the worldwide market share of mobile phone market for manufacturers in the years 2005 and 2006. v. 1
It is argued, that some people prefer other media platforms for getting news, than newspapers. However, in my opinion newspapers are more reliable, with more experience. On the one hand, our civilizations have been developing into an advanced and sophisticated form in recent decades. As a result of that, the nature of informing people and spreading news has been changed specially thanks to widespread use of the lnternet. Therefore, due to the large volume and variety of data, you cannot tell which source is trustable, so, this Leads to people’s reliance on more authentic newspapers that have a countable background. But this variety can also lead to an advantage, that is the number of choices. For example, you can read the comments of the USA’s president, on social media and you no longer need to receive news from a third party source. Thus, it can decrease the chance of misinformation and misleading. On the other hand, newspapers have been our main source of news throughout the history and have obtained experience and Prestige, so, they know that buy misinforming people they can damage their reputation or even worse harm the society. Therefore, their survival depends on complete, correct and neutral distribution of news. The fact that other media platforms or young and inexperienced, put them in second-tier source of news. In conclusion, in my opinion newspapers because of their more experience, reliability and stability throughout these years, that led to their survival until now makes them better sources to get our news.
It
is argued
, that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer other media platforms for getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
, than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
.
However
, in my opinion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
are more reliable, with more experience.

On the one hand, our civilizations have been developing into an advanced and sophisticated form in recent decades.
As a result
of that, the nature of informing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and spreading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
specially
thanks to widespread
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
lnternet
.
Therefore
, due to the large volume and variety of data, you cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
source
is trustable,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, this Leads to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
reliance on more authentic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
that have a countable background.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
this variety can
also
lead to an advantage,
that is
the number of choices.
For example
, you can read the comments of the USA’s president, on social media and you no longer need to receive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
from a third party
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
source
.
Thus
, it can decrease the chance of misinformation and misleading.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
have been our main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
source
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
throughout the history and have obtained experience and Prestige,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, they know that
Did you mean "by"?
buy
misinforming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
they can damage their reputation or even worse harm the society.
Therefore
, their survival depends on complete, correct and neutral distribution of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
. The fact that other media platforms or young and inexperienced, put them in second-tier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
source
of news.

In conclusion
, in my opinion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their more experience, reliability and stability throughout these years, that led to their survival until
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay The table below shows the worldwide market share of mobile phone market for manufacturers in the years 2005 and 2006. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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