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do you agree or disagree that students should bring a cellphone to school? use details and examples to support your explanations. v.2

that students should bring a cellphone to school? use details and examples to support your explanations. v. 2
Nowadays, in some various countries, including Vietnam, most of the children know at least one language besides their mother tongue. Foreign language has been held as a curricular subject in many education systems. It is supposed that kids are likely to start learning it in primary schools; otherwise, other people reckon that it is not until the secondary years should children be access to new languages. In my point of view, both given opinions have pros and cons. At the age of six or more, it seems like a pressure for a child to add one more subject besides a series of new compulsory ones, including math, science, ethic, and even his first language, which they have hardly been mentioned in kindergarten. Another disadvantage of learning a foreign language in elementary education is that learners are too young to realize the purpose of another tongue. Seriously, without a proper teaching method, children are making a negatively strong impression. Many kids confide that they sometimes make pretence of sickness to cut classes at curricular time, so as to avoid boredom; meanwhile, some others readily give up regardless of the bad points. Although starting studying a new language is sometimes inappropriate, a lot of advantages are absolutely noticed. Children are actually fast learners, which means they are probably enabled memorize what they have heard at the first time. Moreover, they are really as photocopiers due to ability of imitating natives’ pronunciation and accent exactly the same; however, when they grow up, it is difficult to change their own typical spelling and intonation. Nevertheless, mastering in a language, like mother tongue, requires a so far long process, so the earlier a person begins, the sooner he succeeds. Last but not least, once students get to secondary school, they certainly immerse themselves in homework where the difficulty level is multiplied, are teenagers willing to familiarize with a new foreign language? In conclusion, I believe that benefits of allowing students to begin studying another tongue when they are in primary school outweigh harms. However, teachers had better devised a variety of teaching methods that are not only attractive, lively but also effective for children for long-term maintenance.
Nowadays, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
various countries, including Vietnam, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
know at least one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
besides
their mother
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tongue
. Foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
has
been held
as a curricular subject in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
education systems. It
is supposed
that kids are likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
learning it in primary schools;
otherwise
, other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
reckon that it is not until the secondary years should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
be access to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
. In my point of view, both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
opinions have pros and cons.

At the age of six or more, it seems like a pressure for a child to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
one more subject
besides
a series of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
compulsory ones, including math, science, ethic, and even his
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
, which they have hardly
been mentioned
in kindergarten. Another disadvantage of learning a foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
in elementary education is that learners are too young to realize the purpose of another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tongue
.
Seriously
, without a proper teaching method,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are making a
negatively
strong impression.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
kids confide that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
pretence of sickness to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
classes at curricular time,
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
avoid boredom; meanwhile,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
others
readily
give up regardless of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
points.

Although starting studying a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
inappropriate,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
advantages are
absolutely
noticed.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are actually
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
learners, which means they are
probably
enabled memorize what they have heard at the
first
time.
Moreover
, they are
really
as photocopiers due to ability of imitating natives’ pronunciation and accent exactly the same;
however
, when they grow up, it is difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
typical spelling and intonation.
Nevertheless
, mastering in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
, like mother
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tongue
, requires a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
far long process,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the earlier a person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begins
, the sooner he succeeds. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, once students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to secondary school, they
certainly
immerse themselves in homework where the difficulty level
is multiplied
, are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
willing to familiarize with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
foreign language?

In conclusion
, I believe that benefits of allowing students to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
studying another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tongue
when they are in primary school outweigh harms.
However
, teachers had better devised a variety of teaching methods that are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
attractive, lively
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
effective for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for long-term maintenance.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Do you know what a foreign accent is? It’s a sign of bravery.
Amy Chua

IELTS essay that students should bring a cellphone to school? use details and examples to support your explanations. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
362 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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