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The table below shows the number of medals won by the top countries in the London 2012 Olympic Games. v.1

The table below shows the number of medals won by the top countries in the London 2012 Olympic Games. v. 1
Around the world, numerous cities are rapidly growing, and are occupying more and more areas of their surrounding countryside. Some people point out that this growth should be limited to save the countryside. However, it seems there is a significant demand for expanding cities. The population of city dwellers has increased dramatically in recent years. As a result, there are no adequate free places in cities to build new required homes. Some authorities have tried to tackle this problem by expanding city borders. This decision means that many remote areas should be destroyed and replaced by new residential places. Degrading nature has enormous impacts on both wild animals and citizens. For instance, various animal species lose their habitat and face many difficulties. Some of them even cannot survive and will die out. Moreover, many species, mainly insects, will stay in their native places and live with humans. These animals can be dangerous for individuals, as some of them are venomous and can seriously harm residents. On the other hand, new people in cities need to have a place to live there. Without the possibility of expanding cities, there are just a few alternative solutions, with their limitations and drawbacks. For example, one suggestion can be constructing multi-storey buildings rather than houses, So that more homes can be established in one place. Nevertheless, living in an Apartment can negatively affect residents. People often suffer from a lack of privacy and a neighbour's disturbance in these buildings. Furthermore, even building skyscrapers is not efficient enough to inhibit the city's requirements for growth. To sum up, cities are growing at a fast pace. They are dominating the surrounded countryside. Although this trend has terrible effects on the environment, it seems that the need for new homes makes it impossible to stop destroying the countryside.
Around the world, numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
are
rapidly
growing, and are occupying more and more areas of their surrounding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
point out that this growth should
be limited
to save the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
.
However
, it seems there is a significant demand for expanding cities.

The population of city dwellers has increased
dramatically
in recent years.
As a result
, there are no adequate free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
to build
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
required homes.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
authorities have tried to tackle this problem by expanding city borders. This decision means that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
remote areas should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
and replaced by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
residential places.

Degrading nature has enormous impacts on both wild animals and citizens.
For instance
, various animal species lose their habitat and face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
difficulties.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them even cannot survive and will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
out.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
species,
mainly
insects, will stay in their native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with humans. These animals can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
for individuals, as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them are venomous and can
seriously
harm residents.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
need to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
there. Without the possibility of expanding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a few alternative solutions, with their limitations and drawbacks.
For example
, one suggestion can be constructing
Possible spelling mistake found.
multi-storey
buildings
rather
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that more homes can
be established
in one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
.
Nevertheless
, living in an Apartment can
negatively
affect residents.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
suffer from a lack of privacy and a
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbour' is British English.
neighbour
's disturbance in these buildings.
Furthermore
, even building skyscrapers is not efficient
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to inhibit the city's requirements for growth.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
are growing at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
pace. They are dominating the surrounded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
. Although this trend has terrible effects on the environment, it seems that the need for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
homes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it impossible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
destroying the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
A man who knows two languages is worth two men.
French Proverb

IELTS essay The table below shows the number of medals won by the top countries in the London 2012 Olympic Games. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
301 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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