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some people think that government should band dangerous sports, while other think that every people have freedom to different sports and activities. Discuss and give your own opinion. v.1

some people think that government should band dangerous sports, while other think that every people have freedom to different sports and activities. Discuss and give your own opinion. v. 1
Today’s children are facing harder and harder academic pressure. Nowadays Parents are not comparing their children with their own region's children, they are comparing their children with national and international children. Parents want their infants are growing in a good environment with an excellent academic education and excel in every field. They send their children to world best schools where the bag is often heavier than the child himself. After school, there are private tuitions. The child has no time to blooming their childhood and bring out their hidden creativity and talent. Socially, most of the children are in a huge dilemma. Children want to adopt a global culture. Whereas, their parents force them to confine themselves to the traditions. Sometimes they break the rules made by their elders and make some new rules and regulations for their own life. Then, they are facing peer stress, it can be good if their peers good and I can be bad if their peers are not disciplined. They want to pretend good in Front of them. The example is, if one sees a new model of the car and told to their peer I will buy it very soon, but he is unable to buy it, after that he is going to under stress. The solutions are not simply children have to be handled with great care. Parents should have realistic expectations from their children. The biggest onus on the teachers and school. The teacher should need to teach the children about the competitive world, but about the most important part of the competition which wins the competition with modesty and purely. Competition and co-operation both are simultaneous to all children. To summarise, there is no doubt that the children of today facing huge pressure, but steps should be taken on the strain and save innocent children's life. The burden will effect on physical and mental growth of the children.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are facing harder and harder academic pressure. Nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
are not comparing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
region's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, they are comparing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with national and international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
want their infants are growing in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
environment with an excellent academic education and excel in every field. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to world best schools where the bag is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
heavier than the child himself. After school, there are private
Possible spelling mistake found.
tuitions
. The child has no time to blooming their childhood and bring out their hidden creativity and talent.

Socially
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are in a huge dilemma.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
want to adopt a global culture.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
force them to confine themselves to the traditions.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
they break the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
made by their elders and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulations for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
life. Then, they are facing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, it can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
if their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
and I can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
if their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peers
are not disciplined.

They want to pretend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
in Front of them. The example is, if one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sees
a new model of the car and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peer
I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he is unable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
it, after that he is going to under
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.

The solutions are not
simply
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be handled
with great care.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
should have realistic expectations from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. The biggest onus on the teachers and school. The teacher should need to teach the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
about the competitive world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
about the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of the competition which wins the competition with modesty and
purely
. Competition and co-operation both are simultaneous to all children.

To
Possible spelling mistake. 'summarise' is British English.
summarise
, there is no doubt that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
facing huge pressure,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
steps should
be taken
on the strain and save innocent children's life. The burden will
Did you mean "affect"?
effect
on physical and mental growth of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
0Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay some people think that government should band dangerous sports, while other think that every people have freedom to different sports and activities. Discuss and give your own opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
318 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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