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Talk about a city or town you have visited i the past explain what do you like most about the city and why v.1

Talk about a city or town you have visited i the past explain what do you like most about the city and why v. 1
It is not surprising that a lot of labours and employers have physical health issues relating to their lifestyle. These issues lead people to think what reasons behind them and available solution for these problems. Firstly, it is apparent that these workers have a busy daily schedule and several duties in this contemporary world. First, these workers face abnormal challenge to cover aggregated daily tasks. The Bankers, working in financial organizations, have huge tasks to do every day work. For this reason, if you worked in a bank, you would not have time to take your breath. However, it says needlessly that the exercising requires a special environmental place, not providing in the workshops or the fieldworks. For instance, when the employers work in restaurants, they do not find a specific room to do some exercises. On the other hand, there are several suggestions countering this issues, relating to the lack sport exercises in the workplace. Firstly, the government should intervene in this issue, thus ratifying on a reduction the hour works. This legitimate decision gives the employers space to join in sport clubs or do individual exercises. Secondly, the companies should take a step in this way. For instance, these companies should build exercising hall in their building making significant improvement. As a result, if the worker had a break, he could do some exercises. In conclusion, there several reasons, including lifestyle and job duties, exposes the works to health danger, but still there are some solutions helping work to avoid these diseases.
It is not surprising that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
Possible spelling mistake. 'labours' is British English.
labours
and employers have physical health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
relating to their lifestyle. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
lead
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
what reasons behind them and available solution for these problems.

Firstly
, it is apparent that these workers have a busy daily schedule and several duties in this contemporary world.
First
, these workers face abnormal challenge to cover aggregated daily tasks. The Bankers, working in financial organizations, have huge tasks to do every day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
For this reason
, if you worked in a bank, you would not have time to take your breath.
However
, it says
needlessly
that the exercising requires a special environmental place, not providing in the workshops or the
Possible spelling mistake found.
fieldworks
.
For instance
, when the employers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in restaurants, they do not find a specific room to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
exercises.

On the other hand
, there are several suggestions countering this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
, relating to the lack sport exercises in the workplace.
Firstly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should intervene in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
,
thus
ratifying on a reduction the hour works. This legitimate decision gives the employers space to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
in sport clubs or do individual exercises.
Secondly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
should take a step in this way.
For instance
, these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
should build exercising hall in their building making significant improvement.
As a result
, if the worker had a break, he could do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
exercises.

In conclusion
, there several reasons, including lifestyle and job duties, exposes the works to health
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
still
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions helping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to avoid these diseases.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Talk about a city or town you have visited i the past explain what do you like most about the city and why v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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