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The graph below shows four categories of citrus fruits and the top three countries to which these were exported in 2012. v.1

The graph below shows four categories of citrus fruits and the top three countries to which these were exported in 2012. v. 1
As a resultt of the challenges associated with the increase in automobiles on the major roads of cities, some believe that the use of personal cars should be restricted from plying these highways. In my opinion, I strongly agree that this ban should take effect sooner rather than later due to problems such as environmental pollution and traffic congestion. Firstly, cars consumes huge amounts of fuel, consequently emitting carbon monoxide, a poisonous, odourless and tasteless gas, which is harmful to humans. When inhaled, it makes people unwell and subsequently leads to death if taken in large quantities. For example, in a movie I saw recently, a man passed out from excess carbon monoxide in his lungs after sleeping off in his garage with his engine running. Furthermore, blaring horns and sounds from exhaust pipes cause sound pollution, which in turn brings about unrest. Another point to consider is that the presence of many private vehicles on roads cause a traffic jam. In recent times, people find that at the end of a tailback, there are no visible causes such as accidents or on-going construction work. Rather, this is often the result of the high density of automobiles especially during rush hours. A study conducted by a professor and his students at the University of Lisbon showed that heavy traffic jam on highways are more often than not the cause of congestion. In addition, the ripple effect of gridlock caused by the increased amount of cars is that people waste their time on the road which reduces productivity at work thereby affecting the economy negatively. In conclusion, the increase in the use of vehicles comes with its setbacks, thus, many municipalities have suggested its ban in the heart of cities. Despite the merits associated with the use of cars, I strongly believe that banning vehicles from main roads in the metropolis will improve the quality of health and safety of individuals which is of utmost importance. As a result of the challenges associated with the increase in automobiles on the major roads of cities, some believe that the use of personal cars should be restricted from plying these highways. In my opinion, I strongly agree that this ban should take effect sooner rather than later due to problems such as environmental pollution and traffic congestion.
As a
Possible spelling mistake found.
resultt
of the challenges associated with the increase in automobiles on the major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
of cities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
should
be restricted
from plying these highways. In my opinion, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that this ban should take effect sooner
rather
than later due to problems such as environmental pollution and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
congestion.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
consumes huge amounts of fuel,
consequently
emitting carbon monoxide, a poisonous,
Possible spelling mistake. 'odourless' is British English.
odourless
and tasteless gas, which is harmful to humans. When inhaled, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
unwell and
subsequently
leads to death if taken in large quantities.
For example
, in a movie I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
recently, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
passed out from excess carbon monoxide in his lungs after sleeping off in his garage with his engine running.
Furthermore
, blaring horns and sounds from exhaust pipes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
sound pollution, which in turn brings about unrest.

Another point to consider is that the presence of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
private vehicles on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
jam. In recent times,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
find that at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of a tailback, there are no visible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
such as accidents or
Did you mean "ongoing"?
on-going
construction work.
Rather
, this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
the result of the high density of automobiles
especially
during rush hours. A study conducted by a professor and his students at the University of Lisbon
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that heavy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
jam on highways are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
than not the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
of congestion.
In addition
, the ripple effect of gridlock caused by the increased amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
waste their time on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
productivity at work thereby affecting the economy
negatively
.

In conclusion
, the increase in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of vehicles
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with its setbacks,
thus
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
municipalities have suggested its ban in the heart of cities. Despite the merits associated with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
, I
strongly
believe that banning vehicles from main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
in the metropolis will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the quality of health and safety of individuals which is of utmost importance.
As a result
of the challenges associated with the increase in automobiles on the major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
of cities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
should
be restricted
from plying these highways. In my opinion, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that this ban should take effect sooner
rather
than later due to problems such as environmental pollution and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
congestion.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The graph below shows four categories of citrus fruits and the top three countries to which these were exported in 2012. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
384 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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