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The table below shows shares of companies advertising expenditure in different media sectors in 3 countries (australia, Vietnam, Japan) in 2005 v.1

The table below shows shares of companies advertising expenditure in different media sectors in 3 countries (australia, Vietnam, Japan) in 2005 v. 1
The Internet has brought dramatic changes to our lives in recent years. Some people, however, considered one of these shifts have been negative, but the overall impact of this technology, in my opinion, has been positive. It has brought a revolution in the field of communication and to get information. Admittedly, it affects the health of mankind and far away them from the real world. First of all, the Internet has revolutionized the way in which people communicate with each other and not only restricted to this area, but it also provides easiness if anyone would like to enhance his knowledge in any specific subject. For instance, if we talk about earlier times, anyone who cannot live with their family bear difficulties in the modes of communication, but now the Internet has made it easy with just one click via Messenger, Facebook, and Google plus millions of people now talk with their beloved ones as well as with friends. In the past, scholars spent a considerable amount of time in the library in order to write their research articles or any dissertions, but now these days people learn many theses, reports and research papers on their relevant subjects on Google search engine just by internet. On the other hand, every coin has two flips same in the case of the internet. According to health department of Pakistan, usage of screen more than quarter of the day retard humans mentally and physically. For example, people depend these days on computer games rather than outdoor activities which leads themselves towards isolation and keep them away from the real world. In conclusion, the Internet has dramatically changed our lives by providing ease in telecommunication and education. Although it affects our social life, but I believe that its benefits far outweigh its drawbacks.
The Internet has brought dramatic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
to our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in recent years.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
however
, considered one of these shifts have been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
overall
impact of this technology, in my opinion, has been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
. It has brought a revolution in the field of communication and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
information.
Admittedly
, it affects the health of mankind and far away them from the real world.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the Internet has revolutionized the way in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
communicate with each other and not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
restricted to this area,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
provides easiness if anyone would like to enhance his knowledge in any specific subject.
For instance
, if we talk about earlier times, anyone who cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with their family bear difficulties in the modes of communication,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
the Internet has made it easy with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
one click via Messenger, Facebook, and Google plus millions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
talk with their beloved ones
as well
as with friends. In the past, scholars spent a considerable amount of time in the library in order to write their research articles or any
Possible spelling mistake found.
dissertions
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
these days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
theses, reports and research papers on their relevant subjects on Google search engine
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
by internet.

On the other hand
, every coin has two flips same in the case of the internet. According to health department of Pakistan, usage of screen more than quarter of the day retard humans mentally and
physically
.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
depend these days on computer games
rather
than outdoor activities which leads themselves towards isolation and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them away from the real world.

In conclusion
, the Internet has
dramatically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
by providing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
in telecommunication and education. Although it affects our social life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I believe that its benefits far outweigh its drawbacks.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
One who speaks only one language is one person, but one who speaks two languages is two people.
Turkish proverb

IELTS essay The table below shows shares of companies advertising expenditure in different media sectors in 3 countries (australia, Vietnam, Japan) in 2005 v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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