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The table below show information on consumer spending on different items in five different countries in 2002. Percentage of national consumer expenditure by category 2002. v.1

The table below show information on consumer spending on different items in five different countries in 2002. Percentage of national consumer expenditure by category 2002. v. 1
The contentious argument that whether giving money is the perfect gift to the young people has sparked a heated debate among many. Some folks believe that it is beneficial to give a monetary gift to the younger generation while some set of people disagree with this view of giving money as a gift to the youngsters. In my opinion, I agree with the view of giving monetary gifts in place of other gifts due to various reasons. To embark with, one of the evident benefits of giving money to teenagers is that they will have the capability of standing up on their own. With the advancement of technology, there are plethora of opportunities for them to pursue to mould their future. Consequently, they can use this money to lay the foundation of what they desire. For example, a survey performed by the Times Now magazine has proved that nearly 40% of the teenagers pay their tuition fees from the money that they have received as a gift or from their saved pocket money. In addition to this, they also develop financial management skills. Thus, this leads them to spend money wisely. On the other hand, some people believe that money should not be the most suitable gift for the young people. Firstly, money may motivate the adolescents to pick up the bad habits like smoking or drinking that is detrimental for their health. Secondly, they get distracted from their studies and indulge in unethical activities to fulfil the materialistic desires. For instance, a survey performed by child psychological department of Texas university has proved that 20% teenagers involve in criminal activities just to satisfy themselves with the things such as electronic gadgets, expensive fashion accessories and lot more. Hence, due to all these reasons, monetary gifts are not beneficial for the youngsters. In conclusion, I assert that having personal money seems to be one of the most effective learning tool. This is owning to the fact that this approach boosts essential skills which youngsters will definitely apply in the adult life. However, by organizing some counselling session we can stop the young generation from adopting bad habits.
The contentious argument that whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is the perfect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
to the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
has
sparked a heated debate among
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
folks believe that it is beneficial to give a monetary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
to the younger generation while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
set of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
disagree with this view of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
to the youngsters. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the view of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
giving
monetary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
in place of other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
due to various reasons.

To embark with, one of the evident benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
is that they will have the capability of standing up on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. With the advancement of technology, there are plethora of opportunities for them to pursue to
Possible spelling mistake. 'mould' is British English.
mould
their future.
Consequently
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to lay the foundation of what they desire.
For example
, a survey performed by the Times
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
magazine has proved that
nearly
40% of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
pay their tuition fees from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
that they have received as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
or from their saved pocket
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
In addition
to this, they
also
develop financial management
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Thus
, this leads them to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
wisely
.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
should not be the most suitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
for the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
may motivate the adolescents to pick up the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits like smoking or drinking
that is
detrimental for their health.
Secondly
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
distracted from their studies and indulge in unethical activities to fulfil the materialistic desires.
For instance
, a survey performed by child psychological department of Texas university has proved that 20%
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
involve in criminal activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to satisfy themselves with the things such as electronic gadgets, expensive fashion accessories and lot more.
Hence
, due to all these reasons, monetary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
are not beneficial for the youngsters.

In conclusion
, I assert that having personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
seems to be one of the most effective learning tool. This
The verb 'owning' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
is owning
to the fact that this approach boosts essential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which youngsters will definitely apply in the adult life.
However
, by organizing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
counselling session we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
the young generation from adopting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS essay The table below show information on consumer spending on different items in five different countries in 2002. Percentage of national consumer expenditure by category 2002. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
357 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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