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Some people say that competition are necessary to get success while others argue that there should be cooperation among children Discuss both views and give your own opinion v.1

Some people say that competition are necessary to get success while others argue that there should be cooperation among children 1
It is generally considered that the popularity of newspaper has reduced because of the net and the television. I disagree with the statement as it still popular in the contemporary era and I will discuss my arguments in the upcoming paragraphs. There are multifarious aspects why the paper would not lose. The primary factor is, a majority of people enjoy paper with a cup of tea in the morning to become familiar pertaining to the world. Moreover, the cost of a rag is very cheap and it suits to every pocket so the individuals can easily purchase it. To add more, most of the areas where internet access does not provide to the public and these masses give priority to the print. On further analysis, during travelling it is easy to carry and the folks can read the announcement according to their taste, which column they want to read. Furthermore, it helps to get familiar relevant to any information because the mind of people cannot distract and they able to acquire full of the information. Therefore, the readers adore to read the news on the paper material rather than other sources. However, television and the internet have benefits to the masses. To explain it, both provide the latest announcement what is happening in the world and also eco-friendly. Moreover, people can search news, according to their interest. If, the persons have curiosity in sports, then they can only read regarding the sports on the web. In conclusion, after analysing all the aspects of the statement, it is not hard to see that the newspaper will not lose their priority as the populace are being used it to read the news.
It is
generally
considered that the popularity of newspaper has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the net and the television. I disagree with the statement as
It seems that a verb is missing.
it
still
popular in the contemporary era and I will discuss my arguments in the upcoming paragraphs.

There are multifarious aspects why the paper would not lose. The primary factor is, a majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
enjoy paper with a cup of tea in the morning to become familiar pertaining to the world.
Moreover
, the cost of a rag is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
and it suits to every pocket
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the individuals can
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
it. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
more, most of the areas where internet access does not provide to the public and these masses give priority to the print.

On
further
analysis, during travelling it is easy to carry and the folks can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
read
the announcement according to their taste, which column they want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
read
.
Furthermore
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
familiar relevant to any information
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the mind of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
cannot
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
distract and
Did you mean "they are" or "they were"?
they
able to acquire full of the information.
Therefore
, the readers adore to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
read
the news on the paper material
rather
than other sources.

However
, television and the internet have benefits to the masses. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
it, both provide the latest announcement what is happening in the world and
also
eco-friendly.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can search news, according to their interest. If, the persons have curiosity in sports, then they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
read
regarding the sports on the web.

In conclusion
, after
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
all the aspects of the statement, it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that the newspaper will not lose their priority as the populace are being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
it to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
read
the news.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that competition are necessary to get success while others argue that there should be cooperation among children 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
280 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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