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The graph below shows the percentage of mobile phone owners using various mobile phone features in Vietnam in the year 2005, 2008, 2010. v.1

The graph below shows the percentage of mobile phone owners using various mobile phone features in Vietnam in the year 2005, 2008, 2010. v. 1
It is increasingly becoming popular to use the Internet as the best place to find information about what is happening in the world. I would argue that this trend will continue, the Internet will soon become as important as the traditional ones. To begin with, there is no doubt that newspapers will continue to be a vital source of information in the Internet age. This is because newspapers are the most traditional way of communicating news, or we can say that everyone does not like to read the news on the Internet. For instance, elderly people or in rural areas, people often do not have the ability to go online or, have no access to use the Internet. They rather prefer reading news from the newspapers. Further, the newspapers are more likely trusted as reliable sources of news because they employ professional journalists and editors. Finally, many people like to enjoy holding and reading a paper with a cup of tea in the breakfast instead of looking at computer screens. Nevertheless, the internet is likely to become a popular source of news as newspapers. The reason for this is that it is usually a fast way to access news in real-time, and anywhere over our gadgets or mobile phones. Another significant benefit of the online news as compared to the newspapers is that the Internet can be a great opportunity for us to share any informative articles, discuss them with others, give our viewpoint and also share further on social media. For example, there are numerous online platforms like Twitter and YouTube, where we can share our news, and even post our comments on the news shared by others. A final point is that this source of news is generally causing less damage to the environment. In conclusion, it is important to consider that the Internet will be equally important in accessing the information as the newspapers in the near future.
It is
increasingly
becoming popular to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the Internet as the best place to find information about what is happening in the world. I would argue that this trend will continue, the Internet will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
become as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as the traditional ones.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
will continue to be a vital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
source
of information in the Internet age. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
are the most traditional way of communicating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
, or we can say that everyone does not like to read the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
on the Internet.
For instance
, elderly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
or in rural areas,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
do not have the ability to go online or, have no access to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the Internet. They
rather
prefer reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
.
Further
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
are more likely trusted as reliable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they employ professional journalists and editors.
Finally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
like to enjoy holding and reading a paper with a cup of tea in the breakfast
instead
of looking at computer screens.

Nevertheless
, the internet is likely to become a popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
source
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
.
The reason for this is
that it is
usually
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
way to access
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
in real-time, and anywhere over our gadgets or mobile phones. Another significant benefit of the online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
as compared to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
is that the Internet can be a great opportunity for us to share any informative articles, discuss them with others, give our viewpoint and
also
share
further
on social media.
For example
, there are numerous online platforms like Twitter and YouTube, where we can share our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
, and even post our comments on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
shared by others. A final point is that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
source
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
is
generally
causing less damage to the environment.

In conclusion
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to consider that the Internet will be
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in accessing the information as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
in the near future.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
We should learn languages because language is the only thing worth knowing even poorly.
Kató Lomb

IELTS essay The graph below shows the percentage of mobile phone owners using various mobile phone features in Vietnam in the year 2005, 2008, 2010. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
321 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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