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The table below gives information about government expenditure in five sectors relating to domestic policy in Germany, Italy and the United Kingdom in 2009. v.1

The table below gives information about government expenditure in five sectors relating to domestic policy in Germany, Italy and the United Kingdom in 2009. v. 1
Nowadays, many people argue that the government should handle all of the scientific research, as opposed to giving it to the commercial organizations. I completely agree with this statement. In this essay, I shall examine and outline the relevant examples to support my view. To start with, there are numerous predominant reasons, which suggest that this will be a positive development. Firstly, privately owned organizations often mold or misrepresent the results and findings obtained from the scientific studies. This is done, in order to either hide the side effects of the product or to make their product look effective. For example, a recent study published at the Stanford University, showed that currently 25% of the beauty and health products in the market is either fake or ineffective. Thus, if the government take over the responsibility of these scientific studies, it could solve this issue. Furthermore, many times scientific research requires a large sum of funds to start, and in the absence of the financial support, these studies never complete. For example, a report presented at the Oxford University revealed, that 65% of the research labs and groups in the world, do not have any financial source to sponsor them. Due to this, essencial drugs such as vaccines or medicines, never reach the public. If this trend is implemented, we could expect to witness a notable movement in the positive direction. In conclusion, this is a topic which raises many questions in the contemporary life. From the given arguments and examples, I am inclined to say that the positive aspects of this change surpass the negative points. In the future, it will be fruitful to review the reasoning stated above to realize improvement in this direction.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should handle
Consider using "all the".
all of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientific
research, as opposed to giving it to the commercial organizations. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement. In this essay, I shall examine and outline the relevant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
examples
to support my view.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, there are numerous predominant reasons, which suggest that this will be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development.
Firstly
,
privately
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
organizations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
mold or misrepresent the results and findings obtained from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
. This
is done
, in order to either
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hide
the side effects of the product or to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their product look effective. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, a recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
published at the Stanford University,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that
currently
25% of the beauty and health products in the market is either fake or ineffective.
Thus
, if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
take over the responsibility of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
, it could solve this issue.

Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientific
research requires a large sum of funds to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
, and in the absence of the financial support, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
never complete. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, a report presented at the Oxford University revealed, that 65% of the research labs and groups in the world, do not have any financial source to sponsor them. Due to this,
Possible spelling mistake found.
essencial
drugs such as vaccines or medicines, never reach the public. If this trend
is implemented
, we could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
to witness a notable movement in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
direction.

In conclusion
, this is a topic which raises
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
questions in the contemporary life. From the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
arguments and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
examples
, I
am inclined
to say that the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects of this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
surpass the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
points. In the future, it will be fruitful to review the reasoning stated above to realize improvement in this direction.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay The table below gives information about government expenditure in five sectors relating to domestic policy in Germany, Italy and the United Kingdom in 2009. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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