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the table below highlight data on the number of travellers using three major British airport between 1998 and 2003. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. v.1

the table below highlight data on the number of travellers using three major British airport between 1998 and 2003.
In recent times, teaching young people about being good citizens has sparked great debates about whether this is the responsibility of their families or school. Although several people say that this is their parents’ task, I believe that school is a better place for educating this. On one hand, some people think that families should be the ones who tell their children about being good people. This is because family is the smallest and the fundamental unit in society; thus, people in this unit should be the first group to teach them about this. For example, a latest study found that over 70% of children who have grown in crime families tend to commit serious crimes when they are adults than others. However, I do not agree with this idea since they spend most of their time at school; additionally, families should focus on making them happy and keeping them safe. On the other hand, other people feel that schools have more effect on this than parents. A strong reason for this is that interaction between students provided valuable opportunities to see the consequences of their actions. Moreover, students spend majority of their time here. For instance, a recent research found that everyday children aged 7 years to 15 years spend about 10 hours at school, while about 6 hours of their time are spent in their homes with their parents. Therefore, I agree that teachers and friends have more influence as well as more responsibility to make a child become a good member of society than parents. In conclusion, people at school should responsible for helping children to learn about doing good thing while their families should focus more on their safety and their well being due to most of their time spent at their schools and limited time with their parents.
In recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
, teaching young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
citizens has sparked great debates about whether this is the responsibility of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. Although several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
say that this is their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
task, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is a better place for educating this.

On one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
should be the ones who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
about being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is the smallest and the fundamental unit in society;
thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in this unit should be the
first
group to teach them about this.
For example
,
Use "the" with the superlative.
a
latest study found that over 70% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who have grown in crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
tend to commit serious crimes when they are adults than others.
However
, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
since they spend most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
;
additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
should focus on making them happy and keeping them safe.

On the other hand
, other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
have more effect on this than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. A strong reason for this is that interaction between students provided valuable opportunities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the consequences of their actions.
Moreover
, students spend
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
here.
For instance
, a recent research found that everyday
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
aged 7 years to 15 years spend about 10 hours at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, while about 6 hours of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
are spent
in their homes with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
Therefore
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that teachers and friends have more influence
as well
as more responsibility to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a child become a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
member of society than parents.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
should responsible for helping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to learn about doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
thing while their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
should focus more on their safety and their
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
due to most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
spent at their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and limited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay the table below highlight data on the number of travellers using three major British airport between 1998 and 2003.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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