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the graph below shows predictions about the numbers of people who will study three major world languages between 2020 and 2030summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. v.1

the graph below shows predictions about the numbers of people who will study three major world languages between 2020 and 2030
The fundamental duty of the public authority is to ensure that its citizens are provided with all basic facilities such as housing, education and employment However, some people argue that the government should first ensure, that their citizens have been provided with all the facilities before they use public funds to provide aid to poorer countries. In my essay I would share my views on the same. As we are aware, there are a number of problems faced by a developing nations. It is the responsibility of the government to ensure that the public funds are used effectively for the benefit of its citizens. One of the major issues in such countries is lack of housing facilities, the government should work on using the public funds in building houses for the underprivileged people. Secondly, due to the growing population another big concern which arises in these countries are lack of employment. The government should take measures in reducing the population and should also encourage and fund smaller start up units which can therefore, help in generating jobs. However, there are downsides to this. We all live in a world where we need to help one another. When a government takes measures to help the poorer countries, it helps in setting a good example among its people. For example, when a Tsunami hit the Philippines, all the countries whether rich or poor stepped in, to help these people who got majorly impacted by this calamity. In addition, we also do not want to be prospering in a way where we see our neighbour countries are struggling. This could also lead in illegal immigration from these neighbouring countries. In conclusion, the primary role of the government should ensure that the citizens are provided with basic necessities such as housing and employment. Moreover, they should also work towards helping the poorer nations which would result in creating harmony.
The fundamental duty of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
authority is to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ensure
that its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
are provided
with all basic facilities such as housing, education and employment
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ensure
, that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
have
been provided
with all the facilities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
funds to provide aid to poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. In my essay I would share my views on the same.

As we are aware, there are a number of problems faced by a developing
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "nation"?
nations
. It is the responsibility of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ensure
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
funds are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
effectively
for the benefit of its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
. One of the major issues in such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
is lack of housing facilities, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should work on using the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
funds in building
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
for the underprivileged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Secondly
, due to the growing population another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
concern which arises in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are lack of employment. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should take measures in reducing the population and should
also
encourage and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fund
smaller
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
up units which can
therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
in generating jobs.

However
, there are downsides to this. We all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a world where we need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
one another. When a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
takes measures to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
in setting a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example among its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For example
, when a Tsunami hit the Philippines, all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
whether rich or poor stepped in, to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
majorly
impacted by this calamity.
In addition
, we
also
do not want to be prospering in a way where we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
our
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbour' is British English.
neighbour
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are struggling. This could
also
lead in illegal immigration from these
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbouring' is British English.
neighbouring
countries.

In conclusion
, the primary role of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ensure
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
are provided
with
Consider using "necessities".
basic necessities
such as housing and employment.
Moreover
, they should
also
work towards helping the poorer nations which would result in creating harmony.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay the graph below shows predictions about the numbers of people who will study three major world languages between 2020 and 2030

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
315 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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