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The table below gives information about the underground railway systems in six cities. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant v.1

The table below gives information about the underground railway systems in six cities.
In this contemporary world, there is a drastic change in each and every field due to rapid advancement in technology. There are many qualities of using computers regularly and also demerits for children. I would like to shine on both sides and give proof of why a computer is beneficial, but why it is harmful to use it daily in the subsequent paragraphs. To begin with, computers have many advantages for children. First and foremost, with the help of this tool, everyone can learn anything for free. In addition, students adopt this facility to study for their career or examination. For example, the latest studies prove that the percentage of students adopting this facility for study has been increasing rapidly over the last five years. Apart from this, the thinking machine also helps in improving their creativity skills. Additionally, creativity is the most important factor to be successful in life nowadays. Also it helps in increasing the level of employment in an economy. On the other hand, there are some reasons that have a detrimental effect on children, which cannot be denied. First of all, regular handling of this device can badly affect their eyes and increase their stress levels. Because of this, students are unable to focus on studies and careers. In addition, violent games can adversely affect their mentality. Furthermore, these games can change the mindset of children towards criminal activities which increases the crime rate. For example, recent research studies that violent sports may increase illegal activities among children. To surround the whole notion, I maintain that everything has two distinct sides which are merit and demerit. Regular usage of this gadget can have many benefits. However, its excessive use has a terrible effect on children.
In this contemporary world, there is a drastic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in each and every field due to rapid advancement in technology. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
qualities of using computers
regularly
and
also
demerits for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. I would like to shine on both sides and give proof of why a computer is beneficial,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
why it is harmful to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it daily in the subsequent paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, computers have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
First
and foremost, with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of this tool, everyone can learn anything for free.
In addition
, students adopt this facility to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
for their career or examination.
For example
, the latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
prove that the percentage of students adopting this facility for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
has been increasing
rapidly
over the last five years. Apart from this, the thinking machine
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in improving their creativity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Additionally
, creativity is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor to be successful in life nowadays.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in increasing the level of employment in an economy.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons that have a detrimental effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, which cannot
be denied
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, regular handling of this device can
badly
affect their eyes and increase their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
levels.
Because of this
, students are unable to focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
and careers.
In addition
, violent games can
adversely
affect their mentality.
Furthermore
, these games can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the mindset of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
towards criminal activities which increases the crime rate.
For example
, recent research
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
that violent sports may increase illegal activities among children.

To surround the whole notion, I maintain that everything has two distinct sides which are merit and demerit. Regular usage of this gadget can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits.
However
, its excessive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
has a terrible effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The table below gives information about the underground railway systems in six cities.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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