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Present a written argument or case to an educated reader with no specialist knowledge of the following topic. Popular events like the football World Cup and other international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tensions and releasing v.2

Present a written argument or case to an educated reader with no specialist knowledge of the following topic. Popular events like the football World Cup and other international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tensions and releasing v. 2
There are people thinking that it is beneficial for children to make determinations on day-to-day matters, while some others believe that making decisions about matters are important for children. It seems to me that encouraging children to make their own decision gives more benefits to children themselves as well as society. It might be true that children convinced that everything turns out as they wish if all their choices are accepted. Moreover, they might make a bad choice due to lack of experience and knowledge. However, every accord entails consequences and responsibilities so I believe they can learn through these experiences what decisions are good or bad for them. For example, if they lose friends as a result of making a selfish decision, they can learn what could have been a better decision. Therefore, we can prevent children from becoming selfish individuals in a society. In addition, there are some advantages in allowing children’s decisions. One of the biggest benefits is that children can get a self-confidence because they can experience the fun and importance of choice themselves. On the other hand, if we do not allow their choices, they will be more passive and its personality makes them hesitate to express their opinion. Another advantage of allowing their decisions is they can be a person who is self-reliance because they have to make decisions on everyday matters. In conclusion, allowing children to make decisions on daily matters that affect them is more important for them. If we allow their selection, they can learn what decisions are right and bad through their experience. Moreover, they can gain self-confidence and self-reliance by allowing their choice.
There are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
thinking that it is beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
determinations on day-to-day matters, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
others believe that making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
about matters are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. It seems to me that encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
gives more benefits to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
themselves
as well
as society.

It might be true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
convinced that everything turns out as they wish if all their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
.
Moreover
, they might
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choice
due to lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
and knowledge.
However
, every accord entails consequences and responsibilities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I believe they can learn through these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
for them.
For example
, if they lose friends
as a result
of making a selfish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
, they can learn what could have been a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
.
Therefore
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from becoming selfish individuals in a society.

In addition
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
allowing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
. One of the biggest benefits is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a self-confidence
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
the fun and importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choice
themselves.
On the other hand
, if we do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
, they will be more passive and its personality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
them hesitate to express their opinion. Another advantage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
allowing
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
is they can be a person who is self-reliance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
on everyday matters.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
allowing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
on daily matters that affect them is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for them. If we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
their selection, they can learn what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
are right and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
through their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
.
Moreover
, they can gain self-confidence and self-reliance by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
allowing
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choice
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Present a written argument or case to an educated reader with no specialist knowledge of the following topic. Popular events like the football World Cup and other international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tensions and releasing v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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