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The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. v.4

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.
Travelling is undoubtedly a mesmerizing aspect of life. The one who practices this is believed to view the world with a different angle altogether. I completely agree with this notion and this essay will provide the reasons for this belief. From a personal perspective, it makes people realize that we are just a drop in an ocean. In other words, during our journey, we come across a lot of the giant creations of nature, in front of which we remain such tiny objects. From flight in the sky, for instance, when we look at the ground, even gigantic buildings on the earth, appear to be much smaller. This will not only make us realize the proportion of our existence, but will also enlighten our mindset as we tend to think that we are just nothing in this vast universe. There by, such an experience could transform travellers into philosophical beings, who are wiser. From a professional perspective, travelling is an opportunity to accumulate great knowledge. By this I mean, when people are on their business trips they meet people from various backgrounds and tend to learn from cross functional teams. Furthermore, such global exposure may help one to understand the business gaps, and also allows them to redefine their business as per upgraded knowledge. A report from The Havard university, had illustrated that 80% of the individuals, who climb the corporate ladder at an early age, are the once who travel to various business locations. Hence, though there are platforms to communicate online, travelling physically makes uncover various insights as it enables people to gain information. In conclusion, it is true that a journey to a different place, brings changes in individuals, professionals and personally as it widens one's thinking process. It is my hope that more and more people may have this experience very often, to constantly synchronize with global updates as well as to align their existence.
Travelling is
undoubtedly
a mesmerizing aspect of life. The one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
practices this
is believed
to view the world with a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
angle altogether. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this notion and this essay will provide the reasons for this belief.

From a personal perspective, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
realize that we are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a drop in an ocean.
In other words
, during our journey, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
across
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
the giant creations of nature, in front of which we remain such tiny objects. From flight in the sky,
for instance
, when we look at the ground, even gigantic buildings on the earth, appear to be much smaller. This will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
us realize the proportion of our existence,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
will
also
enlighten our mindset as we tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that we are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
nothing in this vast universe. There by, such an experience could transform
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
into philosophical beings,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are wiser.

From a professional perspective, travelling is an opportunity to accumulate great knowledge. By this I mean, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
trips they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from various backgrounds and tend to learn from cross functional teams.
Furthermore
, such global exposure may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
one to understand the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
gaps, and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to redefine their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
as per upgraded knowledge. A report from The
Possible spelling mistake found.
Havard
university, had illustrated that 80% of the individuals,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
climb the corporate ladder at an early age, are the once
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
travel to various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
locations.
Hence
, though there are platforms to communicate online, travelling
physically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
uncover various insights as it enables
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to gain information.

In conclusion
, it is true that a journey to a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
place, brings
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in individuals, professionals and
personally
as it widens one's thinking process. It is my hope that more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may have this experience
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
, to
constantly
synchronize with global updates
as well
as to align their existence.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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