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The table below describes the proportion of smokers in males and females (between the age of 15 and 20) in Britain. v.1

The table below describes the proportion of smokers in males and females (between the age of 15 and 20) in Britain. v. 1
A school of thought opines that zoos ought to shut down as animals are harshly treated, whereas others regard zoos as a conservation area for the unique species. I firmly believe that animals are not meant to be trapped and should be shifted to wildlife sanctuaries. On one side, zoos are regarded as a merciless place because of the treatment meted out to the voiceless creatures. It is clearly evident that it has become an economical place, where people come from far-off places to witness an animal dynasty in return of a hefty prize. Moreover, zoos do not render a congenial environment as they bombarded with visitors disturbing their regime. To exemplify, it was researched by a medical team from the United Kingdom that due to drastic changes in the natural way of living, they are becoming violent, which is detrimental not only for themselves but also for the human beings. However, it should not be forgotten that zoos also nurture the eclipsing species. This is because of animal shelters that some animal families are secured. It is a common phenomenon to hear about animal poaching for trade purposes. When animals are on their own, they are incessantly under threat of being hunted. Zoos serve as a guard for their well-being. For example, Tiger is most vouched wildlife creature for his skin and a plethora of them have been murdered only to acquire their precious skin. Some zoos in Asia have taken the onus to protect them. Finally, I bolster the former view and believe that a wildlife sanctuary must be developed to cater to their needs in order to provide them with their natural habitat. Zoos do not render adequate space for them to roam freely and are not kept well. So, for the betterment of everyone, it is suggested to go for the closure of zoos. However, sanctuaries must have provision for animals’ safety as this is the foremost concern. To recapitulate, although some individuals deem zoos as a conservation centre, it is deleterious for animals because of the unacceptable behaviour bestowed on them. I opine for healthy surroundings for their holistic development.
A school of
thought
opines that zoos ought to shut down as
animals
are
harshly
treated, whereas others regard zoos as a conservation area for the unique species. I
firmly
believe that
animals
are not meant to
be trapped
and should
be shifted
to wildlife sanctuaries.

On one side, zoos
are regarded
as a merciless place
because
of the treatment meted out to the voiceless creatures. It is
clearly
evident that it has become an economical place, where
people
come
from far-off places to witness an
animal
dynasty in return of a hefty prize.
Moreover
, zoos do not render a congenial environment as they bombarded with visitors disturbing their regime. To exemplify, it
was researched
by a medical team from the United Kingdom that due to drastic
changes
in the natural way of living, they are becoming violent, which is detrimental not
only
for themselves
but
also
for the human beings.

However
, it should not
be forgotten
that zoos
also
nurture the eclipsing species. This is
because
of
animal
shelters that
some
animal
families
are secured
. It is a common phenomenon to hear about
animal
poaching for trade purposes. When
animals
are on their
own
, they are
incessantly
under threat of
being hunted
. Zoos serve as a guard for their well-being.
For example
, Tiger is most vouched wildlife creature for his skin and a plethora of them have
been murdered
only
to acquire their precious skin.
Some
zoos in Asia have taken the onus to protect them.

Finally
, I bolster the former view and believe that a wildlife sanctuary
must
be developed
to cater to their needs in order to provide them with their natural habitat. Zoos do not render adequate space for them to roam
freely
and are not
kept
well.
So
, for the betterment of everyone, it
is suggested
to go for the closure of zoos.
However
, sanctuaries
must
have provision for
animals’
safety as this is the foremost concern.

To recapitulate, although
some
individuals deem zoos as a conservation
centre
, it is deleterious for
animals
because
of the unacceptable
behaviour
bestowed on them. I opine for healthy surroundings for their holistic development.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The table below describes the proportion of smokers in males and females (between the age of 15 and 20) in Britain. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
355 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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