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The chart illustrates the proportion of males and females using bicycles in 5 different age groups in 2011. v.1

The chart illustrates the proportion of males and females using bicycles in 5 different age groups in 2011. v. 1
Few persons believe that educational institution to provide lectures to younger people about parenting is a good idea. In my view I partially agree the statement as this a contradicts with personal thoughts. Always the perception changes from one person to another. Teaching is good for gaining the knowledge, but this fully depends on the person how he is going to learn, act and react. When I say partially agree, I have seen parents who visited the special training programs about the best parenting are doing great, noticeably they are wealthy as well. However, this kind focussed courses are not possible for all the low-in come group of society, by providing training in the school particularly for the middle-class people is a good thought. This educate the people and provide a better future for the kids best parenting. Also giving them exposure to the current trends. Furthermore, would like to discuss why I partially disagree with the statement. My friend went for the class before baby birth. They were happy and with normal behaviour until that point of time, but post completion of this class after the baby birth they changed totally. Finally, I would like to stress that good parenting needs to be taught in the institution, but the parents need to review the course and whatever is applicable to them and which ever is positive those needs to be implemented without affecting your children nature. Good parenting and kids growth are the main factors need to considered for future society.
Few persons believe that educational institution to provide lectures to younger
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
. In my view I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
the statement as this a contradicts with personal thoughts.
The adverb 'Always' is usually not used at the beginning of a sentence.
Always
the perception
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
from one person to another.

Teaching is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
for gaining the knowledge,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this
fully
depends on the person how he is going to learn, act and react. When I say
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
, I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
parents who visited the special training programs about the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
are doing great,
noticeably
they are wealthy
as well
.

However
, this kind focussed courses are not possible for all the low-in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
group of society, by providing training in the school
particularly
for the middle-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
.
The verb 'educate' is plural. Did you mean: "This educates"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
This educate
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and provide a better future for the kids best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
.
Also
giving them exposure to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
trends.

Furthermore
, would like to discuss why I
partially
disagree with the statement. My friend went for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
baby birth. They were happy and with normal
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
until that point of time,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
post completion of this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
after the baby birth they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
totally
.

Finally
, I would like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to
be taught
in the institution,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to review the course and whatever is applicable to them and which ever is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to
be implemented
without affecting your children nature.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
and kids growth are the main factors
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to considered for future society.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The chart illustrates the proportion of males and females using bicycles in 5 different age groups in 2011. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
252 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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