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Some people like to cook their own meal. other go to eat in a restaurant. What do you prefer and why? v.1

Some people like to cook their own meal. other go to eat in a restaurant. What do you prefer and why? v. 1
It is argued that government should raise taxes on fast food since many peoples are suffering from health conditions. In my opinion, I agree that government bodies should increase tax rates on junk foods. Firstly, this essay will discuss about the benefits of raising rates and Secondly, how these raised rates affect the fast food consumptions. The main advantages of collecting more tariff will avoids people consuming it because of expensive. Then the tax money gained can spend to educate everyone about proper nutrition through banners or social media and the remaining amount invested in the healthcare industry. For example, The Indian government charged heavy rates on alcohol and cigarettes and later the same money was spent on advertising the alcohol and smoking side effects in movie theatres. Fast food owners will increase their food item's price accordingly and sooner junk foods are less affordable than before, hence more common peoples will not able to afford, which in turn declines the consumption gradually and it will make people to consume occasionally. At the same time government should ensure to introduce more organic food varieties and could help people to understand their benefits. For instance, Canada stands first in junk food consumption after that government taken necessary steps like increasing taxes, guidance to parents and adults through schools and other modes, now the percentage was declined and more preventive actions are in-place already. To conclude, As mentioned when prices went up people tend to change their choices and now they are less affected by health conditions. I strongly believe that efficient way to avoid consumption is higher tax rates.
It
is argued
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should raise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
since
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
are suffering from health conditions. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
bodies should increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
on junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
.
Firstly
, this essay will
Did you mean simply "discuss the"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about the
benefits of raising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
and
Secondly
, how these raised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
affect the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
Possible spelling mistake found.
consumptions
.

The main advantages of collecting more tariff will
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "avoid"
avoids
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consuming it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of expensive. Then the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
money gained can spend to educate everyone about proper nutrition through banners or social media and the remaining amount invested in the healthcare industry.
For example
, The Indian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
charged heavy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
on alcohol and cigarettes and later the same money
was spent
on advertising the alcohol and smoking side effects in movie
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatres' is British English.
theatres
.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
owners will increase their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
item's price
accordingly
and sooner junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
are less affordable than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
,
hence
more common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
will not able to afford, which in turn declines the consumption
gradually
and it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to consume
occasionally
. At the same time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should ensure to introduce more organic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
varieties and could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to understand their benefits.
For instance
, Canada stands
first
in junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
consumption after that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
taken necessary steps like increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
, guidance to parents and adults through schools and other modes,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
the percentage
was declined
and more preventive actions are in-place already.

To conclude
, As mentioned when prices went up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their choices and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
they are less
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by health conditions. I
strongly
believe that efficient way to avoid consumption is higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Some people like to cook their own meal. other go to eat in a restaurant. What do you prefer and why? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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