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Some people watch the news on TV. Other prefer to read the news in a newspaper. Still others use their computers to get the news. How do you prefer to be informed and why. Use reasons and examples. v.1

Some people watch the news on TV. Other prefer to read the news in a newspaper. Still others use their computers to get the news. How do you prefer to be informed and why. Use reasons and examples. v. 1
Although some individuals are of the view that children ought to be encourages to have a feel of competition, in my opinion, cooperation is better rather than competition, in order to produce useful individuals. This essay will discuss both of these views in the forthcoming paragraphs. On the one hand, some people believe that children who are taught to compete with others can become more successful. This is because the competition encourages children to opt for struggle and devote themselves to achieve a goal, which, in turn, makes them to flourish in life. A study from Oxford University, for instance, showed that children who are motivated to compete with their peers at school are 50% highly likely to become successful as compared to those who are not taught it. Hence, success and goal achievement significantly depend upon competitive environment. On the other hand, the opponents of the former view contend that cooperation is far better than competition to make children productive in the future and I agree. If children are taught to cooperate they would be able to work in a team, thereby they would come to know how to be advantageous for society. That is to say, cooperation would instill in them to work not only for themselves, but also for the betterment of others. Research by the World Education System, for example, revealed that students who are asked to opt for group assignments and assisting each other in it, would become highly sensitive in the future for other people's problems. Thus, it is obvious that children can become beneficial for the society owing to cooperating and not competing. In conclusion, some people opine that children should be motivated for competition because it is a key to success; however, in my view, cooperation is critical than competition to produce beneficial individuals.
Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals are of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
view
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
ought to be encourages to have a feel of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
, in my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cooperation
is better
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
, in order to produce useful individuals. This essay will discuss both of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
views
in the forthcoming paragraphs.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are taught
to compete with others can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
more successful. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
encourages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to opt for struggle and devote themselves to achieve a goal, which, in turn,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them to flourish in life. A study from Oxford University,
for instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are motivated
to compete with their peers at school are 50%
highly
likely to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
successful as compared to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are not taught it.
Hence
, success and goal achievement
significantly
depend upon competitive environment.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, the opponents of the former
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
view
contend that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cooperation
is far better than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
productive in the future and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are taught
to cooperate they would be able to work in a team, thereby they would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to know how to be advantageous for society.
That is
to say,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cooperation
would instill in them to work not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for themselves,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for the betterment of others. Research by the World Education System,
for example
, revealed that students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are asked
to opt for group assignments and assisting each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
in it, would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
highly
sensitive in the future for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's problems.
Thus
, it is obvious that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
beneficial for the society owing to cooperating and not competing.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
opine that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be motivated
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is a key to success;
however
, in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
view
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cooperation
is
Use "(critical)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
critical
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
to produce beneficial individuals.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people watch the news on TV. Other prefer to read the news in a newspaper. Still others use their computers to get the news. How do you prefer to be informed and why. Use reasons and examples. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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