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Smokers can cause themselves serious health problems. The choice to smoke is made freely and with knowledge of dangers. Smokers should, therefore, expect to pay more for medical treatment than non-smokers. v.2

Smokers can cause themselves serious health problems. The choice to smoke is made freely and with knowledge of dangers. Smokers should, therefore, expect to pay more for medical treatment than non-smokers. v. 2
Smoking addicts possess themselves with severe health issues. Most of them choose to smoke independently and with being aware of health threats. Thereby the awareness of it has to induce them to pay attention to their health. A vast number of patients are getting ill unwillingly, the smokers, on the other hand, are getting ill knowingly. Hence it is justified that they should be charged more for their treatment. This is mainly because it would at least give them a reason to quit smoking. Smoking is one of the most crucial perils to humankind. This poison does not expose at first times of using it. The invisibility of it makes it difficult to perceive if suspect consumes it by the people of their environment. The only obvious effect is the bad odour of cigarettes. Although companies have found out a way to solve this problem by putting a gum at the end of each cigarette to chew after smoking, by this way the unpleasant odour has been refused easily. Unfortunately, dangers are not gone by the odour. With the passage of time, smoking occupies lungs, then kidneys, heart and all the system. This poison takes the victim to the hands of death slowly and patiently. In spite of all the notions and warnings of government, hospitals, televisions the person of abuse wants the more when he smokes the more. There should be a strict regulation so that smokers are inspired to quit smoking. Imposing a higher treatment fee can be one of such initiatives that would force the smokers to quit their nasty habit. Nonetheless, the government and hospitals have to do their jobs and continue to make awareness of hazards of smoking. As the well-known saying ‘prevention is better than cure’ teaches us that being able to prevent the people from smoking is far more beneficial than charging more for their treatment.
Smoking
addicts possess themselves with severe health issues. Most of them choose to smoke
independently
and with being aware of health threats. Thereby the awareness of it
has to
induce them to pay attention to their health. A vast number of patients are getting ill
unwillingly
, the smokers,
on the other hand
, are getting ill
knowingly
.
Hence
it
is justified
that they should
be charged
more for their treatment. This is
mainly
because
it would at least give them a reason to quit smoking.

Smoking is one of the most crucial perils to humankind. This poison does not expose at
first
times of using it. The invisibility of it
makes
it difficult to perceive if suspect consumes it by the
people
of their environment. The
only
obvious effect is the
bad
odour
of cigarettes. Although
companies
have found out a way to solve this problem by putting a gum at the
end
of each cigarette to chew after
smoking
, by this way the unpleasant
odour
has
been refused
easily
. Unfortunately,
dangers
are not gone by the
odour
. With the passage of time,
smoking
occupies lungs, then kidneys, heart and all the system. This poison takes the victim to the hands of death
slowly
and
patiently
.

In spite of
all the notions and warnings of
government
, hospitals, televisions the person of abuse wants the more when he smokes the more. There should be a strict regulation
so
that smokers
are inspired
to quit
smoking
. Imposing a higher treatment fee can be one of such initiatives that would force the smokers to quit their nasty habit.

Nonetheless, the
government
and hospitals
have to
do their jobs and continue to
make
awareness of hazards of
smoking
. As the well-known saying ‘prevention is better than cure’ teaches us that being able to
prevent
the
people
from
smoking
is far more beneficial than charging more for their treatment.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Smokers can cause themselves serious health problems. The choice to smoke is made freely and with knowledge of dangers. Smokers should, therefore, expect to pay more for medical treatment than non-smokers. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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