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The graphs below give information about computer ownership as a percentage of the population between 2002 and 2010, and by level of education for the years 2002 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comp v.1

The graphs below give information about computer ownership as a percentage of the population between 2002 and 2010, and by level of education for the years 2002 and 2010.
Nowadays there is an increasing movement around the world to encourage people to maintain their homes and workplaces in tidy condition. This essay will explain why I believe that trend is a positive development that has potential to help us better manage our lives. Firstly, the increasing demands of modern life have brought to the average citizen a plethora of new tasks to be accomplished, either at home and at work. For example, in recent years people started tracking things such as messaging notifications, online classes and even the status of their phone’s battery. As a result, they have been showing the need to rely on organisation and methodic behaviours to properly handle all the requirements that are expected from them. Otherwise, the average worker will have a hard time remembering where a certain object was placed, or which piece of cloth must be washed, for example. Additionally, with the advent of the open office concept and social networks, those who work or constantly share their lifes on social media are actually exposing their private and professional environments to their whole social group of friends and coworkers. Consequently, an office table that is not well organized or a backyard that clearly requires urgent maintenance may be seen by others as a lack of care to detail. On the other hand, employees that maintain their offices in tidy conditions increase the chances of being profiled as better professionals. In conclusion, there are many benefits on maintain our homes and offices in prestine conditions. I believe any citizen that adopts the habit of being organized will increase their likelihood of accomplishing tasks and their chances of being better evaluated by their employers.
Nowadays there is an increasing movement around the world to encourage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to maintain their homes and workplaces in tidy condition. This essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why I believe that trend is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development that has potential to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us better manage our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

Firstly
, the increasing demands of modern life have brought to the average citizen a plethora of new tasks to
be accomplished
, either at home and at work.
For example
, in recent years
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
tracking things such as messaging notifications, online classes and even the status of their phone’s battery.
As a result
, they have been showing the need to rely on
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
methodic
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
to
properly
handle all the requirements that are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
from them.
Otherwise
, the average worker will have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
time remembering where a certain object
was placed
, or which piece of cloth
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be washed
,
for example
.

Additionally
, with the advent of the open
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
concept and social networks, those who work or
constantly
share their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "lives", the plural form of the noun 'life'?
lifes on
social media are actually exposing their private and professional environments to their whole social group of friends and coworkers.
Consequently
, an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
table
that is
not well organized or a backyard that
clearly
requires urgent maintenance may be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
by others as a lack of care to detail.
On the other hand
, employees that maintain their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offices
in tidy conditions increase the chances of
being profiled
as better professionals.

In conclusion
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits on maintain our homes and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offices
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
prestine
conditions. I believe any citizen that adopts the habit of
being organized
will increase their likelihood of accomplishing tasks and their chances of being better evaluated by their employers.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay The graphs below give information about computer ownership as a percentage of the population between 2002 and 2010, and by level of education for the years 2002 and 2010.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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