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The students discuss two possible solutions to the women's problem. Describe the problem. Then state which of the two solutions you prefer and why. v.1

The students discuss two possible solutions to the women's problem. Describe the problem. Then state which of the two solutions you prefer and why. v. 1
It is known that some museums are free, but a vast majority of them charge the visitors for entrance. In this essay, the possible and negative aspects of the entrance fee will be examined. The foremost advantage of charging visitors is the lack of income sources. Since numerous museums could not be able to get government support, they have to create an extra income source in order to serve better to their customers. For example, they could create an up-to-date museum building, provide better maintenance to its facilities, and do Basic refurbishments without asking anyone for aid. Moreover, the charge fee is also beneficial for the protection of the arts. Protecting something valuable could be an alarming matter at certain times, especially if the property located at the high-crime rate neighbourhoods. For instance, museums can hire professional security guards to prevent any incident occurring. The most vital drawback of charging people for entrance is lessening the number of visitors. In a modern world, myriads of people have taught that money is a crucial asset which is extremely hard to earn and has to utilize wisely. Therefore, people tend to cut off their social interaction budgets in case of emergencies. In other words, museum owners should be careful while determining the cost of the entrance because an inaccurate price may bring detrimental outcomes for their facilities. To conclude, some of the museums prefer charging their visitors for admission, and some of them do not. Although it may cause a negative outcome like decrement in the number of visitors, the positive sides of the fee, such as creating a modern property and the protection of valuable arts outweigh the disadvantage.
It
is known
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
are free,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a vast majority of them charge the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entrance
. In this essay, the possible and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entrance
fee will
be examined
.

The foremost advantage of charging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
is the lack of income sources. Since numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
could not be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
support, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
create an extra income source in order to serve better to their customers.
For example
, they could create an up-to-date
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
building, provide better maintenance to its facilities, and do Basic refurbishments without asking anyone for aid.
Moreover
, the charge fee is
also
beneficial for the protection of the arts. Protecting something valuable could be an alarming matter at certain times,
especially
if the property located at the high-crime rate
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhoods' is British English.
neighbourhoods
.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
can hire professional security guards to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
any incident occurring.

The most vital drawback of charging
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entrance
is lessening the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
. In a modern world, myriads of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have taught that money is a crucial asset which is
extremely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to earn and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
utilize
wisely
.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
off their social interaction budgets in case of emergencies.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
owners should be careful while determining the cost of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entrance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
an inaccurate price may bring detrimental outcomes for their facilities.

To conclude
,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
prefer charging their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
for admission, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them do not. Although it may cause a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
outcome like decrement in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
sides of the fee, such as creating a modern property and the protection of valuable arts outweigh the disadvantage.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The students discuss two possible solutions to the women's problem. Describe the problem. Then state which of the two solutions you prefer and why. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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