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The students discuss a problem and two possible solutions. Briefly summarize the problem. Then state which of the two solutions you prefer and explain why. v.1

The students discuss a problem and two possible solutions. Briefly summarize the problem. Then state which of the two solutions you prefer and explain why. v. 1
Since the dawn of time marriage is considered a very important step in peoples' lives. However, today getting marriage has become more expensive than ever due to the increasing demands of the bride. It is argued that this trend has a negative consequence. This will be proven by looking at how this negative development will lead to an increase in the numbers of unmarried ladies as well as putting more pressure on poor people. First, from a social perspective, the raising of marriage expenses will lead to raising the numbers of single ladies. For example, as the cost of getting married is on the increase, men will abandon the idea of getting a bride and more single women will have no men marry. This example shows that marriage spending is positively correlated to the amount of an unmarried woman. Thus, the culture of expensive marriage is to consider a negative trend. Second, from financial viewpoints, poor people will be affected so greatly by this negative development. For instance, unhealthy grooms will be forced to spend over their limit to fulfil the bride needs. As a result, grooms will tend to sell their valuable properties or borrow money from banks of friends to satisfy their future lady. Therefore, from the above example, the negativity of spending too much money on marriage is clear. After analysing the above points, it has been proven that the increasing cost of marriage is a completely negative development. It is recommended that brides and grooms save their money for the future and spend a little on marriage.
“Since” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Since
the dawn of time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
is considered
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
step in peoples'
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
has become more expensive than ever due to the increasing demands of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bride
. It
is argued
that this trend has a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
consequence. This will
be proven
by looking at how this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
development will lead to an increase in the numbers of unmarried ladies
as well
as putting more pressure on poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

First
, from a social perspective, the raising of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
expenses will lead to raising the numbers of single ladies.
For example
, as the cost of getting married is on the increase,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
will abandon the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of getting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bride
and more single women will have no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
marry. This example
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
spending is
positively
correlated to the amount of an unmarried woman.
Thus
, the culture of expensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
is to consider a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
trend.

Second, from financial viewpoints, poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
greatly
by this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
development.
For instance
, unhealthy grooms will
be forced
to spend over their limit to fulfil the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bride
needs.
As a result
, grooms will tend to sell their valuable properties or borrow money from banks of friends to satisfy their future lady.
Therefore
, from the above example, the negativity of spending too much money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
.

After
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
the above points, it has
been proven
that the increasing cost of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
is a completely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
development. It
is recommended
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brides
and grooms save their money for the future and spend a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
I love commuting between languages just like I love commuting between cultures and cities.
Elif Safak

IELTS essay The students discuss a problem and two possible solutions. Briefly summarize the problem. Then state which of the two solutions you prefer and explain why. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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