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The professor describes the behavior of monochromic and polychronic people. Explain how their behavior is related to their suitability in the workplace. v.1

The professor describes the behavior of monochromic and polychronic people. Explain how their behavior is related to their suitability in the workplace. v. 1
People have mixed feelings whenever it comes to exchanging their ideas to the people. Some of them say that it is mandatory to share the information related to their personal life and global news. While, others say that they we should distribute some ideas to people of business, scientific and academic sectors in order to boost their knowledge and skills. I think both the views have the reasons in an equal measure. I believe that exchanging the information to the people from all these fields could assist them to expand their creativity and expertise. For instance, people from technical field get to know about how the research can be carried out, ways of using the various devices and nature of the experiments they get. When it comes to business people can be familiar with the ways of promoting their business by advertising their products in the internet so that they can make out profits while selling the goods. Furthermore, learners can succeed academically as they get to know about the techniques and ways of ameliorating their weak areas. As discussed the previous argument people should consider to share their personal feelings and information about the world so that they can learn about various incidents concerned with one’s life. To exemplify, people often face ups and downs in their lives and in that case individuals tend to share their experience with others so that they get to know about life skills by fabricating a change. Similarly, when it comes to events happening all around the world, many people exchange their thoughts in order to know global news, current status of the world and the politics so that it can screw up their intelligence. In conclusion, I oppose that combination of people thoughts have led to exchange of ideas among the people so as to develop their understanding and abilities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have mixed feelings whenever it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to exchanging their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them say that it is mandatory to share the information related to their personal life and global news. While, others say that they we should distribute
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of business, scientific and academic sectors in order to boost their knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
both the views have the reasons in an equal measure.

I believe that exchanging the information to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from all these fields could assist them to expand their creativity and expertise.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from technical field
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
about how the research can
be carried
out, ways of using the various devices and nature of the experiments they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
. When it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can be familiar with the ways of promoting their business by advertising their products
The usual collocation for technology is "on," not "in." It is better to say this: "on the internet".
in the internet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
out profits while selling the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
.
Furthermore
, learners can succeed
academically
as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
about the techniques and ways of ameliorating their weak areas.

As discussed the previous argument
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
The verb 'consider' is used with the gerund form: "consider sharing".
consider to share
their personal feelings and information about the world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can learn about various incidents concerned with one’s life. To exemplify,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
face ups and downs in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and
in that case
individuals tend to share their experience with others
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
about life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
by fabricating a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.
Similarly
, when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
happening all around the world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
exchange their thoughts in order to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
global news,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
status of the world and the politics
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that it can screw up their intelligence.

In conclusion
, I oppose that combination of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
thoughts have led to exchange of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
develop their understanding and abilities
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The professor describes the behavior of monochromic and polychronic people. Explain how their behavior is related to their suitability in the workplace. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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