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the state should set fines or penalties for companies which produce pollution or it should find other ways to deal with the pollution problem. which one is better? v.2

the state should set fines or penalties for companies which produce pollution or it should find other ways to deal with the pollution problem. which one is better? v. 2
The question is whether that government should punish companies which produce pollution through setting tax or fine or it would be better for states to look for the approaches to solve the mentioned problem. Everyone with regard to his private viewpoint may maintain a specific direction toward this issue. Some believe that penalties can be effective because companies may lose their benefit in this route while others have a conviction that government must search strict methods to remove the pollution instead of dealing with it. I am unanimous with the latter group; so the next paragraphs will vastly elucidate my vantage point through three salient reasons: To begin with, nobody could overlook the fact that pollution has negative effects on human beings' health. As a matter a fact, it would reinforce some diseases such as cancer, breath or heart troubles and weakening eyes and list goes on. All of these in long term may create irrecoverable damages. It can be said that paying tax or fine may dwindle the level of pollution but it can never eliminate this aforementioned problem totally. The states should notice the ways which eradicate pollution. This can be gained by getting help from the young forces and their creativity to plan new ideas. In addition, not only the pollution is harmful for living beings, but also it harms environment and birds, animals or plants species. Nowadays, with increasing industrial movements in all over the world, the wild species are threatened to extinction. Recovering them may be very expensive because if pollution continues in any level, people have to transfer threatened species to another area- this approach is called assistance migration- and this movement requires a lot of efforts, researches and money. One should not forget that money which is earned through fines or penalties will not be enough for rescuing wild species; hence, it can be logical for rulers to find other solutions for deleting pollution. Moreover, today' s the overwhelming majority of companies are able to obtain more profits through their products; consequently, they may not like to change their approach in production line. Needless to say the mentioned companies prefer to embrace fines or penalties instead of altering their method and taking risk. I mean, they can be used to giving fines. To sum up, this conclusion could be drawn that the states should spend their time or money on finding new plans to remove the pollution. Setting fines may reduce the level of pollution but it can never solve the problems related to humans or environment.
The question is whether that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should punish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
which produce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
setting tax or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fine
or it would be better for states to look for the approaches to solve the mentioned problem. Everyone with regard to his private viewpoint may maintain a specific direction toward this issue.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
believe that penalties can be effective
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
may lose their benefit in this route while others have a conviction that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
search strict methods to remove the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
instead
of dealing with it. I am unanimous with the latter group;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the
next
paragraphs will
vastly
elucidate my vantage point
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
three salient reasons:

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, nobody could overlook the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on human
Possible spelling mistake found.
beings&
#039; health. As a matter a fact, it would reinforce
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
diseases such as cancer, breath or heart troubles and weakening eyes and list goes on. All of these in long term may create irrecoverable damages. It can
be said
that paying tax or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fine
may dwindle the level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it can never eliminate this aforementioned problem
totally
. The states should notice the ways which eradicate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
. This can
be gained
by getting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from the young forces and their creativity to plan new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
.

In addition
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
is harmful for living beings,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
it harms environment and birds, animals or plants species. Nowadays, with increasing industrial movements in all over the world, the wild species
are threatened
to extinction. Recovering them may be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
expensive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
continues in any level,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
transfer threatened species to another area- this approach
is called
assistance migration- and this movement requires
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
efforts, researches and money. One should not forget that money which
is earned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fines
or penalties will not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for rescuing wild species;
hence
, it can be logical for rulers to find other solutions for deleting pollution.

Moreover
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
today&
#039; s the overwhelming majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
are able to obtain more profits
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
their products;
consequently
, they may not like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their approach in production line. Needless to say the mentioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
prefer to embrace
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fines
or penalties
instead
of altering their method and taking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
. I mean, they can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to giving fines.

To sum up, this conclusion could
be drawn
that the states should spend their time or money on finding new plans to remove the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
. Setting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fines
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it can never solve the problems related to humans or environment.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay the state should set fines or penalties for companies which produce pollution or it should find other ways to deal with the pollution problem. which one is better? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
424 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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