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the state should set fines or penalties for companies which produce pollution or it should find other ways to deal with the pollution problem. which one is better? v.1

the state should set fines or penalties for companies which produce pollution or it should find other ways to deal with the pollution problem. which one is better? v. 1
The Basic aim of schools is to make children into good citizens and workers in few public point of view, relatively, advantageous for them as individuals. This essay disagrees, that institutions only provide benefits to society in terms of producing good citizens and workers. Firstly, this essay will discuss about the self grooming, a sense of responsibility and pressure handling and secondly, it will be followed by the hard working, self confidence, difference between goods and bads and improvised communications. The Education plays a vital role in the development of the person's personality. It has been groomed the child's from the very beginning when they started their education. With the passage of time it would be helpful to make them sensible enough. So that, they can easily handle every possible pressure they can ever meet them in their upcoming life's. In addition, they will also learn their responsibilities in order to add positive attributes in society. For instance, a survey report published by CNN, in 2014, stated that educated people have been more successful and more self confident. Moreover, learning new things can bring up the new challenges on the daily basis, which will lead them to do hard work all the time. They will start to believe themselves, that, they walk through every difficult phase of life with ease. It will force them to have faith in them. A good person is one who always have the control to his bad thoughts and always try to be good with others this thing has been taught in every institute at the start. Nowadays, communication is very important better education can provide the individuals with outstanding skills which can lead them to the success. For example, Oxford university had performed the survey in 2016, which shows that 90 percent of individuals believed that, they can solve any problem. In conclusion, the above points show that person's have more benefits of education this lead them to be a successful and the key of their prosperity. .
The Basic aim of schools is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
children into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
citizens and workers in few public point of view,
relatively
, advantageous for them as individuals. This essay disagrees, that institutions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
provide benefits to society in terms of producing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
citizens and workers.
Firstly
, this essay will
Did you mean simply "discuss the"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about the
self grooming, a sense of responsibility and pressure handling and
secondly
, it will
be followed
by the
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
hard working
,
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self confidence
, difference between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
bads
and improvised communications.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
plays a vital role in the development of the person's personality. It has
been groomed
the child's from the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
beginning when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. With the passage of time it would be helpful to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them sensible
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that, they can
easily
handle every possible pressure they can ever
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
them in their upcoming life's.
In addition
, they will
also
learn their responsibilities in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
attributes in society.
For instance
, a survey report published by CNN, in 2014, stated that educated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have been more successful and more
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self confident
.

Moreover
, learning new things can bring up the new challenges on the daily basis, which will lead them to do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work all the time. They will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to believe themselves, that, they walk through every difficult phase of life with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
. It will force them to have faith in them. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
person is one who always have the control to his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
thoughts and always try to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
with others this thing has
been taught
in every institute at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
. Nowadays, communication is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
can provide the individuals with outstanding
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which can lead them to the success.
For example
, Oxford university had performed the survey in 2016, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that 90 percent of individuals believed that, they can solve any problem.

In conclusion
, the above points
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that person's have more benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
this lead them to be a successful and the key of their prosperity.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
We should learn languages because language is the only thing worth knowing even poorly.
Kató Lomb

IELTS essay the state should set fines or penalties for companies which produce pollution or it should find other ways to deal with the pollution problem. which one is better? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
334 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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