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Agree or disagree it is better to work for business owned by someone you don t know than the business owned by your family v.2

Agree or disagree it is better to work for business owned by someone you don t know than the business owned by your family v. 2
While some people tend to think that it is better to work for business owned by their family than the strangers, others seem to disagree with it. In my opinion, I believe that working for business owned by our family is better, and the following discussion can reveal my reasoning and stands. To begin with, if we work for business owned by our family, we would have the same responsibility for the whole company, and can benefit the company. For example, I worked for business owned by my father last year. I always have a responsibility of the company since I thought the company is mine too. I worked exhausted on lots of details and made an effort on everythings. My father appreciated my attitude during the whole year because the company earned lots of money. This example demonstrated that working for business owned by our family can have benefit to the company and we would have the responsibility. The second point is that working for business owned by our family can have more flexible time on working. Lots of companies have the strict rule that the employees may not have the flexible time to relax or do their own things. Nonetheless, if we work for business owned by our relatives, we can have more flexible time. Since the supervisors or the boss are our family, if we finish our works, we can discuss with them and we would not feel emabrrassed. What is more? The rule of company can be more flexible and comfortable to the employees. Ture, some people might say that if we work for business owned by our family, we would not have ambition or enthusiastic during working since we the company is owned by our relatives. However, this belief fools to consider the fact that lots of the families can only make money by those companies. That is to say, if they do not make an effort on their business, they would starve or bankruptcy, so they would pay more attention and be awareness on the business than people who work for business owned by the strangers. Therefore, it is hard to convince people of this idea. To sum up, with the reasons mentioned above, I believe that working for business owned by our relatives is better. There seems to be some validity to other points of view. Nevertheless, I still think that my reasons of my opinion are stronger.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is better to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
owned
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
than the strangers, others seem to disagree with it. In my opinion, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
owned
by our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is better, and the following discussion can reveal my reasoning and stands.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, if we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
owned
by our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, we would have the same responsibility for the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
, and can benefit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
.
For example
, I worked for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
owned
by my father last year. I always have a responsibility of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
since I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
is mine too. I worked exhausted on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lots
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
and made an effort on
Possible spelling mistake found.
everythings
. My father appreciated my attitude during the whole year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
earned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lots
of money. This example demonstrated that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
owned
by our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
can have benefit to the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
company and
we would have the responsibility.

The second point is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
owned
by our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
can have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
flexible
time on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Lots
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
have the strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
that the employees may not have the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
flexible
time to relax or do their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
things. Nonetheless, if we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
owned
by our relatives, we can have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
flexible
time. Since the supervisors or the boss are our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, if we finish our works, we can discuss with
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
them and
we would not feel
Possible spelling mistake found.
emabrrassed
.
What is more
? The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
can be more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
flexible
and comfortable to the employees.

Possible spelling mistake found.
Ture
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might say that if we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
owned
by our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, we would not have ambition or enthusiastic during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
since we the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
owned
by our relatives.
However
, this belief fools to consider the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lots
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
money by those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
.
That is
to say, if they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an effort on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
, they would starve or bankruptcy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they would pay more attention and be awareness on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
owned
by the strangers.
Therefore
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to convince
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.

To sum up, with the reasons mentioned above, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
owned
by our relatives is better. There seems to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
validity to other points of view.
Nevertheless
, I
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that my reasons of my opinion are stronger.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
64Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
We should learn languages because language is the only thing worth knowing even poorly.
Kató Lomb

IELTS essay Agree or disagree it is better to work for business owned by someone you don t know than the business owned by your family v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
405 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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