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The speakers discuss two possible solutions to the woman’s problem. Brieflysummarize the problem. Then state which solution you prefer and why. v.1

The speakers discuss two possible solutions to the woman’s problem. Brieflysummarize the problem. Then state which solution you prefer and why. v. 1
It is widely held belief that some of the parents motivate their adolescents to stay away from them after being matured. But, at the same time there is a counter argument amongst some sections of the people that they should hold with their family even though they are aged. However, I am of the opinion that it is a matter to be debated in light of several factors before any conclusion is drawn. It is generally believed that parents enthuse the pupil to live away from them. One of the main reasons why this view is held is that, to stand by their own hands and knowledge. Here I would like to share one of my experiences on this view. I used to stay away from home when I am in 12th standard, at that point of time, I experienced how the individual life is and daily I used to spend calculatedly the money. In the same vein, the proponents of living far from home place also claim that it develops our physical, mental and psychological ability. Last, though by no means the least, the advocates of the view draw strength from the fact that it develops the financial skills. On the other hand, there are certain groups of people who vehemently contended that children should live with their family. The principal most reason for their flavouring this idea is that present generation is easily influenced for the bad activities like alcohol consumption and some hazardous stunts. Moreover, the apologists of this statement posit that if they leave their family there is no one to look after their parents, at that age they need a supportive child for them to take care. Thus, it is evident from all the discussion till now that both the arguments carry strength and significance and neither can be refuted outright. Nonetheless, I personally subscribe to the proposition that a younger child should pursue his living away from the parental guidance because staying away from them build the confidence in the rest of the life so that, you can hurdle out from any situation that you face later in the life by this experience.
It is
widely
held belief that
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
parents motivate their adolescents to stay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
from them after
being matured
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, at the same time there is a counter argument amongst
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sections of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that they should hold with their family
even though
they
are aged
.
However
, I am of the opinion that it is a matter to
be debated
in light of several factors
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
any conclusion
is drawn
.

It is
generally
believed that parents enthuse the pupil to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
from them. One of the main reasons why this view
is held
is that, to stand by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
hands and knowledge. Here I would like to share one of my experiences on this view. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to stay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
from home when I am in 12th standard, at that point of time, I experienced how the individual life is and daily I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to spend
calculatedly
the money. In the same vein, the proponents of living far from home place
also
claim that it develops our physical, mental and psychological ability. Last, though by no means the least, the advocates of the view draw strength from the fact that it develops the financial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

On the other hand
, there are certain groups of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
vehemently
contended that children should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with their family. The principal most reason for their
Possible spelling mistake. 'flavouring' is British English.
flavouring
this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
is that present generation is
easily
influenced for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
activities like alcohol consumption and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
hazardous stunts.
Moreover
, the apologists of this statement posit that if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their family there is no one to look after their parents, at that age they need a supportive child for them to take care.

Thus
, it is evident from all the discussion till
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
that both the arguments carry strength and significance and neither can
be refuted
outright. Nonetheless, I
personally
subscribe to the proposition that a younger child should pursue his living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
from the parental guidance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
staying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
from them build the confidence in the rest of the life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that, you can hurdle out from any situation that you face later in the life by this experience.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The speakers discuss two possible solutions to the woman’s problem. Brieflysummarize the problem. Then state which solution you prefer and why. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
359 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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