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Some students would prefer to live with roommates. Others would prefer to live alone. Which option would you prefer and why? v.1

Some students would prefer to live with roommates. Others would prefer to live alone. Which option would you prefer and why? v. 1
Celebrities from entertainment and sports should have less earning than doctors, nurses, and teachers, because of what they contributed to the community. In my opinion, I completely agree with the statement that those careers are now living underpaid for what they contributed to the country, except celebrities. Firstly, doctors and nurses are considered to be a must have element in every country, because of their duties are to cure and prevent all kinds of sickness from the citizen, which have an effect directly to the nation in the form of development and lacking of the population. For example, nations require manpower as a resource to improve their economy. Secondly, teachers are thought by some as a second family, and their duties are to guide and teach youngsters, which likely to affect kids in term of their thought and decision. By that reason, we have to re-considered how important they are, and what they could have done for the state. On the other hand, celebrities from both sports and entertainment, they were created for a reason, and that is to become famous and created highest profit for a company, employer, or even for themselves, which have a lower impact to the kids compared with the others mentioned above. Conversely, they tend to bring more bad things toward kids as they expand their violence on social media. In conclusion, I firmly suggested that earning of any careers should be decided by its significance, and we can indicate that by giving them more money than celebrities.
Celebrities from entertainment and sports should have less earning than doctors, nurses, and teachers,
because
of what they contributed to the community. In my opinion, I completely
agree
with the statement that those careers are
now
living underpaid for what they contributed to the country, except celebrities.

Firstly
, doctors and nurses
are considered
to be a
must have
element in every country,
because
of their duties are to cure and
prevent
all kinds of sickness from the citizen, which have an effect
directly
to the nation in the form of development and lacking of the population.
For example
, nations require manpower as a resource to
improve
their economy.

Secondly
, teachers are
thought
by
some
as a second family, and their duties are to guide and teach youngsters, which likely to affect kids in term of their
thought
and decision. By that reason, we
have to
re-considered how
important
they are, and what they could have done for the state.

On the other hand
, celebrities from both sports and entertainment, they
were created
for a reason, and
that is
to become
famous
and created
highest
profit for a
company
, employer, or even for themselves, which have a lower impact to the kids compared with the others mentioned above.
Conversely
, they tend to bring more
bad
things toward kids as they expand their violence on social media.

In conclusion
, I
firmly
suggested that earning of any careers should
be decided
by its significance, and we can indicate that by giving them more money than celebrities.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some students would prefer to live with roommates. Others would prefer to live alone. Which option would you prefer and why? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
253 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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