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The society would benefit from a ban on all forms of advertising. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.2

The society would benefit from a ban on all forms of advertising. with this opinion? v. 2
Advertising in modern societies is ubiquitous - on the radio, TV and the internet. It has many negative points, but pros of advertising is outweighs the negative. So, i firmly disagree with statement of a ban on all advertisement. It is an undeniable fact that advertising helps to introduce a new product in market. Some technological devices have to manifest in front of society because of the most of people have not ample time to search on new product, which is actually looking by individual since long time. From fantastic example of the Apple, leading mobile company, have to show their new feature and a new operating system on television or on the internet. Additionally, introduction of products have profound information about products. As a consequence, consumers compare their needs and take a correct decision on their choice. Undoubtedly, advertising have the power to amendment of social issues. Firstly, some issues can perilous for survival of society. Take an example of female foeticide, in 1930, Rajaram Mohan Rai, a socialist, removed this practice from India. This decision aids Indian communities to maintain male-female ratio. Another issue related is polio. Amitabh bachchan, an actor, stimulated people to get two drops of medicines through the television. Hence, nowadays, India becomes a polio free country in the world. On the flip side, advertising has some disadvantages also. To begin, Ads can attract folk. In other words, children, the most important member of society, influence towards digital marketing. Thus, they pesters their parents for buying gadgets. However, this situation can be abated by restriction on children to watch a TV or distract their mind from gadgets. Finally, ads, especially adult, have negative impact on society, when family, together, watch a family show and then dwelling period fill with 18+ ads, therefore all members feel embarrassment. To conclude, having negative effects of digital marketing on society, benefits are definitely dominated cons of advertising.
Advertising in modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
is ubiquitous
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
on the radio, TV and the internet. It has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
points,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
pros of advertising is outweighs the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
firmly
disagree with statement of a ban on all advertisement.

It is an undeniable fact that advertising
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to introduce a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
in market.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
technological devices
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
manifest in front of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the most of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have not ample time to search on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
, which is actually looking by individual since long time. From fantastic example of the Apple, leading mobile
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
feature and a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
operating system on television or on the internet.
Additionally
, introduction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
have profound information about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. As a consequence, consumers compare their needs and take a correct decision on their choice.

Undoubtedly
, advertising have the power to amendment of social issues.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
issues can perilous for survival of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. Take an example of female
Possible spelling mistake found.
foeticide
, in 1930,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Rajaram
Possible spelling mistake found.
Mohan
Possible spelling mistake found.
Rai
, a socialist, removed this practice from India. This decision aids Indian communities to maintain male-female ratio. Another issue related is polio.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Amitabh
Possible spelling mistake found.
bachchan
, an actor, stimulated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
two drops of medicines through the television.
Hence
, nowadays, India becomes a polio free country in the world.

On the flip side, advertising has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages
also
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
, Ads can attract folk.
In other words
, children, the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
member of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, influence towards digital marketing.
Thus
, they
The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "pester"
pesters
their parents for buying gadgets.
However
, this situation can
be abated
by restriction on children to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
a TV or distract their mind from gadgets.
Finally
, ads,
especially
adult, have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, when family, together,
Consider using third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "watches".
watch
a family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
and then dwelling period fill with 18+ ads,
therefore
all members feel embarrassment.

To conclude
, having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
effects of digital marketing on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, benefits are definitely dominated cons of advertising.
18Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Mistakes

IELTS essay The society would benefit from a ban on all forms of advertising. with this opinion? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
318 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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