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Do you agree or disagree with this sentence? the teachers were more appreciated and valued by society in the past than they were nowadays. v.10

with this sentence? the teachers were more appreciated and valued by society in the past than they were nowadays. v. 10
The question is whether teacher were more appreciated and valued by society in the past than they were nowadays or not. In my vantage point, this belief is approximately valid maybe because of accessing to resource faster and easier than past. My arguments and reasons are listed below that will strengthen my point of view: First of all, since in the past being teacher had a high state, all society were relying to teachers; hence teachers were responsible in front of people and were trying to obtain more information from among huge massive of books. Conversely, these days the teachers do not have that high position as past, therefore young generation do not feel such a responsibility toward society. Young teachers believe that it is not their task to add the new things to children. They prefer to evaluate student' s homework and answer their questions. Second, nowadays there are more resources than past. People are able to access the newest data through media like radio, television, and internet and so on. Every one imagines that has a high quality of knowledge, consequently they have become selfish. Students view themselves more superior than their teacher and their aim from being in the class is show- off. Third, in some countries conditions for jobs are different. For instance, in my country when a plight of job saturates in society, it gradually will decrease and even more it can lose. This circumstance will affect on income of those jobs. In a country like Iran that is a third world, diseases have been dominance on society, subsequently being doctor will be worthwhile for people more than other jobs. As a result Students do not incline to become a teacher and it goes without saying that this job will not be valuable for people. As I have illustrated, I strongly assert this sentence and believe that this problem has created because of improving technology among people and also changing personality and viewpoint of people.
The question is whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
were more appreciated and valued by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
than they were nowadays or not. In my vantage point, this belief is approximately valid maybe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of accessing to resource faster and easier than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
. My arguments and reasons
are listed
below that will strengthen my point of view:

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, since in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
had a high state, all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
were
The verb 'to rely' requires the preposition '(up)on': "relying on".
relying
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
;
hence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
were responsible in front of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and were trying to obtain more information from among huge massive of books.
Conversely
, these days the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
do not have that high position as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
,
therefore
young generation do not feel such a responsibility toward
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
believe that it is not their task to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
the new things to children. They prefer to evaluate
Possible spelling mistake found.
student&
#039; s homework and answer their questions.

Second, nowadays there are more resources than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are able to access the newest data through media like radio, television, and internet and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. Every one imagines that has a high quality of knowledge,
consequently
they have become selfish. Students view themselves
The adjective 'more' is normally used with to and does not need 'more' (so called implicit comparative). Probably you need to write: "superior to".
more superior than
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
and their aim from being in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
- off.

Third, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries conditions for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
.
For instance
, in my country when a plight of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
saturates in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, it
gradually
will decrease and even more it can lose. This circumstance will
Did you mean "effect"?
affect
on income of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. In a country like Iran
that is
a third world, diseases have been dominance on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
,
subsequently
being doctor will be worthwhile for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more than other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
As a result
Students do not incline to become a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
and it goes without saying that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
will not be valuable for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

As I have illustrated, I
strongly
assert this sentence and believe that this problem has created
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of improving technology among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
also
changing personality and viewpoint of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay with this sentence? the teachers were more appreciated and valued by society in the past than they were nowadays. v. 10

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
330 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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