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The society would benefit from a ban all forms of advertising because it serves no useful purpose and can even been damaging. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

The society would benefit from a ban all forms of advertising because it serves no useful purpose and can even been damaging. v. 1
Some people argue that advertising has a negative impact on our society; therefore, it should be prohibited. In my opinion, although it can be harmful to the audiences in some ways, its benefits are countless. Obviously, advertisements manipulate people to sell their products. Firstly, it is common to realize that buyers are usually attracted to buy more than what they truly need because advertisements are extremely persuasive. A good example for that is the high sales of Iphone. Despite its ridiculous price, people pour their money to possess the latest model. Secondly, both paper and televised advertising promote a wide range of fast food and soft drink with their delicious tastes and convenience, especially aim to children and busy employees. As the result, these foods have made people living unhealthily and raised the rate of obesity among the citizens. However, there is no doubt that consumers have a number of benefits from watching advertisements. The most advantage is that people can have many choices for a product because advertising shows a range of different brands and prices. Customers just need to choose the most suitable to their need and income. Furthermore, advertising has become a form of art, so people really enjoy watching them. Many advertisements have ear-catching music and funny moments which make people more enjoyable rather disturbing. My niece, for instance, loves singing along the advertisement of Vinamilk because they have some cows which are able to sing and dance. In conclusion, it is undeniable that all forms of advertising pose some certain dangers to the society but they also have some benefits as mentioned.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that advertising has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on our society;
therefore
, it should
be prohibited
. In my opinion, although it can be harmful to the audiences in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways, its benefits are countless.

Obviously
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
manipulate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to sell their products.
Firstly
, it is common to realize that buyers are
usually
attracted to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
more than what they
truly
need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
are
extremely
persuasive. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example for
that is
the high sales of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Iphone
. Despite its ridiculous price,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
pour their money to possess the latest model.
Secondly
, both paper and televised advertising promote a wide range of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food and soft drink with their delicious tastes and convenience,
especially
aim to children and busy employees. As the result, these foods have made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living
unhealthily
and raised the rate of obesity among the citizens.

However
, there is no doubt that consumers have a number of benefits from watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
. The most advantage is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
choices for a product
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
advertising
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
a range of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
brands and prices. Customers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
need to choose the most suitable to their need and income.
Furthermore
, advertising has become a form of art,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
really
enjoy watching them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
have ear-catching music and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
funny
moments which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more enjoyable
rather
disturbing. My niece,
for instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loves
singing along the
The usual collocation for "advertisement" is "for" not "of". Did you mean "advertisement for"?
advertisement of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Vinamilk
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cows which are able to sing and dance.

In conclusion
, it is undeniable that all forms of advertising pose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
certain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
to the society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
also
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits as mentioned.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay The society would benefit from a ban all forms of advertising because it serves no useful purpose and can even been damaging. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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