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Some high schools have a requirement that students must complete a certain amount of volunteer work in order to graduate. What do you think about this type of requirement? Give details to support your opinion. v.1

Some high schools have a requirement that students must complete a certain amount of volunteer work in order to graduate. What do you think about this type of requirement? Give details to support your opinion. v. 1
Recently, it has become common for some universities to oblige their students to volunteer for field-related companies to graduate. For some people, this is an unnecessary requirement; however, it should be a valuable experience and an opportunity to create a useful network. Here is the explanation of the point. Firstly, volunteering appears to be the work that helps future professionals to try their skills in the field. Even is young students get high scores in their classes, they might still have a lack of skills needed to perform significantly well in their jobs. Volunteering enables such students to try their abilities and learn from the professionals how to do their job. With this, graduates evaluate their professional skills and get on top of the list of candidates for employment. For example, in such fields as social work and medicine, headhunters are likely to offer an interview for those candidates who have volunteering experience in their resumes. In addition to that, numerous career-related opportunities are opened for volunteers since they can meet interesting and influential people. These acquaintances often become a lucky ticket in the bright future with incredible career perspectives. The most vivid example would be a well-known Ukrainian singer Ani Lorak, who got her first music contract after she, being a student, took part in a charity concert organized by local social services for disabled people. At that time, she was helping to prepare children from the neighborhood to perform on the stage, and a famous producer noticed her singing and offered an interview. Since that concert, Ani has organized hundreds of her own and became one of the most beloved singers in Ukraine. To conclude, volunteering should be obligatory for all students, because it provides them with experience and eases to meet the right people for their careers.
Recently, it has become common for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
universities to oblige their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to volunteer for field-related
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to graduate. For
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, this is an unnecessary requirement;
however
, it should be a valuable experience and an opportunity to create a useful network. Here is the explanation of the point.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volunteering
appears to be the work that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
future professionals to try their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in the field. Even is young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
high scores in their classes, they might
still
have a lack of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
needed to perform
significantly
well in their jobs.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Volunteering
enables such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to try their abilities and learn from the professionals how to do their job. With this, graduates evaluate their professional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
on top of the list of candidates for employment.
For example
, in such fields as social work and medicine, headhunters are likely to offer an interview for those candidates who have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volunteering
experience in their resumes.

In addition
to that, numerous career-related opportunities
are opened
for volunteers since they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
interesting and influential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. These acquaintances
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
become a lucky ticket in the bright future with incredible career perspectives. The most vivid example would be a well-known Ukrainian singer
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ani
Possible spelling mistake found.
Lorak
, who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
her
first
music contract after she, being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
took part
in a charity concert organized by local social services for disabled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. At that time, she was helping to prepare children from the neighborhood to perform on the stage, and a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
producer noticed her singing and offered an interview. Since that concert,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ani
has organized hundreds of her
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
and became one of the most beloved singers in Ukraine.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volunteering
should be obligatory for all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it provides them with experience and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
eases
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the right
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for their careers.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some high schools have a requirement that students must complete a certain amount of volunteer work in order to graduate. What do you think about this type of requirement? Give details to support your opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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