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Computers are replacing jobs. Discuss some such jobs. What are the problems caused by this? v.1

Computers are replacing jobs. Discuss some such jobs. What are the problems caused by this? v. 1
As the wheel of time continues to move forward, humans have evolved to become smarter and more creative in terms of finding newer and more effective ways to increase the productivity of our labour. In recent years, the rise in technological devices, such as computers, that are used to enhance the performance of people in a certain industry, has gained the spotlight of many economists. As the benefits of computers helped the society tremendously, some fear the computers will eventually end up making workers lose their jobs instead. In this essay, the industries in which people face the problem above and the problems that arise from this loss will be discussed. Firstly, in various sectors, that depends mainly on the manpower of workers, are adapting to the advancement of computers which leads to the rise of unemployment. For example, the garment and clothing industry, began to replace their employees with advanced automatic machines that has the ability to produce more input at a faster rate when compared to traditional human labour. Another example is the car industry. In the past, real humans were required to run the operation ranging from the making of each part of the car to assembling all of different components to create a complete, functional car. However, in modern, most of these processes can be run with the help of computers, needing only a few technologically specialized people to oversee the process of production which leads to the rise of laying off workers in the car industry. Secondly, as the level of unemployment continue to increase non-stop, there are some side effects that can damage the society as a whole. With people starting to protest against the use of computers, and demand employers prioritize people rather than the efficiency of productions, the safety within the community begin to plummet. This is due to the fact that most of the protesters use violence to voice out that rights to get employed and destroy technological devices, that replaced them, when they get a chance to do so. For example, in 2014, a group of 300 workers for a clothing factory (Name isn't disclosed, for privacy reasons) came together and destroy the machineries with the factory to which they believe were the roots of them getting laid off. As a result, the factory accidentally caught on fire and killed 5 innocent people who lived nearby as well as injured 30 people. In conclusion, it is undeniable that computers play a big part in increasing the capacity of making new products, however, from a personal perspective, I think there should be some policies or laws to protect people from getting fired or replace just to make room for technology instead because it can bring some indirect consequences to our society.
As the wheel of time continues to
move
forward, humans have evolved to become smarter and more creative in terms of finding newer and more effective ways to increase the productivity of our
labour
. In recent years, the rise in technological devices, such as computers, that are
used
to enhance the performance of
people
in a certain
industry
, has gained the spotlight of
many
economists. As the benefits of computers
helped
the society
tremendously
,
some
fear the computers will
eventually
end
up making
workers
lose their jobs
instead
. In this essay, the
industries
in which
people
face the problem above and the problems that arise from this loss will
be discussed
.

Firstly
, in various sectors, that depends
mainly
on the manpower of
workers
, are adapting to the advancement of computers which leads to the rise of unemployment.
For example
, the garment and clothing
industry
, began to replace their employees with advanced automatic machines that has the ability to produce more input at a faster rate when compared to traditional human
labour
. Another example is the
car
industry
. In the past, real humans
were required
to run the operation ranging from the making of each part of the
car
to assembling all of
different
components to create a complete, functional
car
.
However
, in modern, most of these processes can
be run
with the
help
of computers, needing
only
a few
technologically
specialized
people
to oversee the process of production which leads to the rise of laying off
workers
in the
car
industry.

Secondly
, as the level of unemployment continue to increase non-
stop
, there are
some
side effects that can damage the society as a whole. With
people
starting to protest against the
use
of computers, and demand employers prioritize
people
rather
than the efficiency of productions, the safety within the community
begin
to plummet.
This is due to the fact that
most of the protesters
use
violence to voice out that rights to
get
employed and
destroy
technological devices, that replaced them, when they
get
a chance to do
so
.
For example
, in 2014, a group of 300
workers
for a clothing factory (Name isn't disclosed, for privacy reasons) came together and
destroy
the
machineries
with the factory to which they believe were the roots of them getting laid off.
As a result
, the factory
accidentally
caught on fire and killed 5 innocent
people
who
lived
nearby
as well
as injured 30
people
.

In conclusion
, it is undeniable that computers play a
big
part in increasing the capacity of making new products,
however
, from a personal perspective, I
think
there should be
some
policies or laws to protect
people
from getting fired or replace
just
to
make
room for technology
instead
because
it can bring
some
indirect
consequences to
our society.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Computers are replacing jobs. Discuss some such jobs. What are the problems caused by this? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
460 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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