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Students should be taught academic knowledge so that they can pass exams, and skills such as cooking or dressing should not be taught. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.5

Students should be taught academic knowledge so that they can pass exams, and skills such as cooking or dressing should not be taught. v. 5
It is a topical debate whether the schools should offer students the academic subjects only, and other practical skills such as cooking and dressing should not be in the curriculum. Although academic results have a tremendous value for the undergraduates, I opt for the idea when nontheorectical subjects are also considerable at school. Admittedly, to pursue tertiary education and to be accepted to a top-tier institution, school-leavers must pass the exam with the flying colors. This means the schools themselves have to mainly focus on teaching students what needed for the tests. Furthermore, students who have graduated from a famous university are likely to have a chance to get a lucrative salary as they come to work. In my country, many enterprises require their applicants to hold a certain degree for their managerial levels, so only the qualified candidates are able to get the job. The practical skills such as cooking or dressing, however, are also needed for their lives; therefore, schools should provide their undergraduates with the basic survival courses apart from the academic program. An astonishing number of young adults nowadays do not want to live independently from their families because they cannot take care of themselves. Furthermore, it is meaningless to force the students to pursue higher education if they do not want to. Some students are not interested in studying, they may find these vocational courses useful. These such skills may be the first step for them to realize which talents they possess. In conclusion, although I comprehensively understand why people argue schools are the place where only the academic programs are taught, I also believe other skills such as cooking or dressing should have their place at school.
It is a topical debate whether the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should offer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
subjects
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
, and other practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
such as cooking and dressing should not be in the curriculum. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
results have a tremendous value for the undergraduates, I opt for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
when
Possible spelling mistake found.
nontheorectical
subjects are
also
considerable at school.

Admittedly
, to pursue tertiary education and to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
to a top-tier institution, school-leavers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
pass the exam with the flying colors. This means the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
themselves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
mainly
focus on teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
what needed for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tests
.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who have graduated from a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
university are likely to have a chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a lucrative salary as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to work. In my country,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
enterprises require their applicants to hold a certain degree for their managerial levels,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the qualified candidates are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the job.

The practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
such as cooking or dressing,
however
, are
also
needed for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
;
therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should provide their undergraduates with the basic survival courses apart from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
program. An astonishing number of young adults nowadays do not want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
The usual collocation for "independently" is "of" not "from". Did you mean "independently of"?
independently from
their families
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they cannot take care of themselves.
Furthermore
, it is meaningless to force the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to pursue higher education if they do not want to.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are not interested in studying, they may find these vocational courses useful. These such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
may be the
first
step for them to realize which talents they possess.

In conclusion
, although I
comprehensively
understand why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are the place where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
programs
are taught
, I
also
believe other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
such as cooking or dressing should have their place at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Students should be taught academic knowledge so that they can pass exams, and skills such as cooking or dressing should not be taught. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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