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The role of education is to prepare children for the modern world. School should cut art and music out of the curriculum so that children can focus on useful subject such as information technology. To what extent do you agree. v.7

The role of education is to prepare children for the modern world. School should cut art and music out of the curriculum so that children can focus on useful subject such as information technology. v. 7
Information technology is a ubiquitous part of today's world. While, some people argue that for children to be prepared for contemporary world education must play its role, to do so computing should be focused more and schools should eradicate art and music from the curriculum. I partially disagree with this assertion because information technology undoubtedly has improved our lives in many ways; yet, imperatives of art and music cannot be neglected. This essay will explain the importance of art and music also will shed light on fundamental benefits of IT. Since ancient time performing and visual arts had been a source of entertainment for the public in many ways, considering eroding them from the curriculum will adversely affect the entertainment sector on the whole. For instance, limiting subjects like art will create a vacuum in the society, consequently resulting in an imbalance of economic sectors like cybernetics, because less qualified professional will be available to work for music and art. However, computing has made our lives better in many ways; the world has become a global village due to ease in communication. Internet services like: YouTube and Google has enabled consumers to access information within a blink of an eye. Therefore, it is important to promote computing in schools, however, I firmly believe, authorities should consider maintaining a healthy balance between both subjects and fields. To conclude, I am predisposed to argue that performing and visual arts hold equal importance as information technology, consequently, there must be a wise balance of both subjects in the curriculum and removing art and music from school education is a harmful opinion for individuals and society.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Information
technology is a ubiquitous part of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world. While,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that for children to
be prepared
for contemporary world education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
play its role, to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
computing should
be focused
more and schools should eradicate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
from the curriculum. I
partially
disagree with this assertion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
technology
undoubtedly
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways;
yet
, imperatives of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
cannot
be neglected
. This essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
also
will shed light on fundamental benefits of IT.

Since ancient time performing and visual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
had been a source of entertainment for the public in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways, considering eroding them from the curriculum will
adversely
affect the entertainment sector
on the whole
.
For instance
, limiting subjects like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
will create a vacuum in the society,
consequently
resulting in an imbalance of economic sectors like cybernetics,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
less qualified professional will be available to work for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and art.

However
, computing has made our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
better in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways; the world has become a global village due to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
in communication. Internet services like: YouTube and Google has enabled consumers to access
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
within a blink of an eye.
Therefore
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to promote computing in schools,
however
, I
firmly
believe, authorities should consider maintaining a healthy balance between both subjects and fields.

To conclude
, I
am predisposed
to argue that performing and visual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
hold equal importance as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
technology,
consequently
, there
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be a wise balance of both subjects in the curriculum and removing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
from school education is a harmful opinion for individuals and society.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS essay The role of education is to prepare children for the modern world. School should cut art and music out of the curriculum so that children can focus on useful subject such as information technology. v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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