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The role of education is to prepare children for the modern world. School should cut art and music out of the curriculum so that children can focus on useful subject such as information technology. To what extent do you agree. v.10

The role of education is to prepare children for the modern world. School should cut art and music out of the curriculum so that children can focus on useful subject such as information technology. v. 10
Nowadays, we cannot deny that education is the most important for children. Education has a duty to prepare children to live in the modern world with happiness. There are many subjects that were taught in school. Some people believe that school should focus on the subjects such as information technology and deduct art and music. In my view, I strongly disagree with this statement. There are many reasons that art and music still important in currently. Firstly, both subjects can release you from extension situation. Secondly, these subjects make you feel relax and fulfil your energy when you feel bored. For example, when children boring to do homework, they can enjoy by singing a song. Finally, art and music make you feel calm. After that, it is easier to create new ideas after you listen to music or see some pictures. Nevertheless, some people argue that art and music were antique subjects which is not necessary for recent days. Hence, students should not learn it because it wastes time. Moreover, students should study information technology instead of art and music since it will be more crucial in the future world. The main reason is in modern society, we always using IT for finding every information. For instance, we are serving the internet for finding new worldwide information. In conclusion, every subject is valuable in its selves. So, we should not ignore each area. No one knows what will happen in the future, maybe one day you will need to use these knowledges.
Nowadays, we cannot deny that education is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for children. Education has a duty to prepare children to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the modern world with happiness. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
that
were taught
in school.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that school should focus on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
such as information technology and deduct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. In my view, I
strongly
disagree with this statement.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in
currently
.
Firstly
, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
can release you from extension situation.
Secondly
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
you feel relax and fulfil your energy when you feel bored.
For example
, when children boring to do homework, they can enjoy by singing a song.
Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
you feel calm. After that, it is easier to create new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
after you listen to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
pictures.

Nevertheless
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
were antique
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
which is not necessary for recent days.
Hence
, students should not learn it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it wastes time.
Moreover
, students should study information technology
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
since it will be more crucial in the future world. The main reason is in modern society, we always using IT for finding every information.
For instance
, we are serving the internet for finding new worldwide information.

In conclusion
, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
is valuable in its selves.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, we should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
each area. No one knows what will happen in the future, maybe one day you will need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
these
Possible spelling mistake found.
knowledges
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay The role of education is to prepare children for the modern world. School should cut art and music out of the curriculum so that children can focus on useful subject such as information technology. v. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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