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The role of education is to prepare children for the modern world. Schools should cut art and music out of the curriculum so that children can focus on useful subjects such as information technology. To what extent do you agree? v.5

The role of education is to prepare children for the modern world. Schools should cut art and music out of the curriculum so that children can focus on useful subjects such as information technology. v. 5
Education is a critical domain to prepare students for the contemporary world. It is considered that learning institutes ought to cut art and music out of the syllabus so that children can concentrate on critical subjects such as information technology. I fully agree with this view and this essay will discuss reasons for it. Firstly, schools should focus on technical subjects and remove artistry and music related courses because the job prospect in the future requires technical skills. Due to the advancement in the technology, job market requires more technical individuals and very few art and music related professionals. This, in turn, means if schools maintain focus on the information technology subjects, students would be able to devote much time in learning technical subjects, which would be, in turn, beneficial for their career aspect. A recent report from Oxford University, for instance, showed that 75% of jobs in western countries are for people relating to telecom, software and computer skills, and only 5% for artistic skills. Secondly, another reason of giving focus solely to the information technology and cutting art subject is that technical subjects require more efforts and time. The time which is wasted in learning art subject, can be utilized in learning tough technical subjects, which require extra efforts and struggle. In other words, technical subjects such as software programming, digital communication, and computer skills require excessive study, due to their hard to learn aspect. Research by World Education Institute, for example, revealed that technical courses require 5 hours extra time for study than non-technical subjects. In conclusion, it is argued that schools should exclude art and music from their curriculum, in order to keep concentration on technical subjects, I completely agree with this notion, as future employment requires technical individuals and technical subjects demand more efforts.
Education is a critical domain to prepare students for the contemporary world. It
is considered
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
institutes ought to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
out of the syllabus
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that children can concentrate on critical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
such as information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. I
fully
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view and this essay will discuss reasons for it.

Firstly
, schools should focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
and remove artistry and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
related courses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the job prospect in the future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
requires
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. Due to the advancement in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, job market
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
requires
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technical
individuals and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
related professionals. This, in turn, means if schools maintain focus on the information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, students would be able to devote much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, which would be, in turn, beneficial for their career aspect. A recent report from Oxford University,
for instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that 75% of jobs in western countries are for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
relating to telecom, software and computer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
5% for artistic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

Secondly
, another reason of giving focus
solely
to the information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and cutting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
require
more efforts and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
which
is wasted
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
, can
be utilized
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
tough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
require
extra efforts and struggle.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
such as software programming, digital communication, and computer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
require
excessive study, due to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to learn aspect. Research by World Education Institute,
for example
, revealed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technical
courses
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
require
5 hours extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for study than non-technical subjects.

In conclusion
, it
is argued
that schools should exclude
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
from their curriculum, in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
concentration on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this notion, as future employment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
requires
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technical
individuals and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
demand more efforts.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
50Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
The limits of my language mean the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay The role of education is to prepare children for the modern world. Schools should cut art and music out of the curriculum so that children can focus on useful subjects such as information technology. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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