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The role of education is to prepare children for the modern world. Schools should cut art and music out of the curriculum so that children can focus on useful subjects such as information technology. To what extent do you agree? v.6

The role of education is to prepare children for the modern world. Schools should cut art and music out of the curriculum so that children can focus on useful subjects such as information technology. v. 6
It is undoubtedly true that the prime aim of the educational system is preparing youngsters for the future. While it may seem like a good idea to eliminate Art and Music from schools and teach other theoritical subjects such as Information Technology instead, I completely disagree. First of all, Art can improve pupils’ creativity and enhance their memory. This is mainly because Art provokes children to utilize their imagination abilities frequently which solidates the neural network related to creativity in their brains. Moreover, most Art students have to visualize what they are going to work at first and then they work from their memories which strengthens their long-term memory. In 2009, for instance, a study was conducted on artists by Harvard University showed that artists have the same IQ level as Math scientists and less likely to have Alzheimer when they grow up. In addition, music can reduce violence among students. This is due to its sedating effect on pupils’ brains which makes them feel safe and unstressed. In Kenya, for example, when they introduced music as a seperate subject to primary school students, violence among them dropped by 50%. In contrast, if educational authorities replaced music by other subject, pupils would be stressed for longer hours which can lead to violence; teaching music should be obligatory in all public and private schools. To conclude, due to their benefits such as improving students’ creativity and decreasing violence among pupils, I completely believe that Art and Music must be taught in all schools.
It is
undoubtedly
true that the prime aim of the educational system is preparing youngsters for the future. While it may seem like a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to eliminate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
from schools and teach other
Possible spelling mistake found.
theoritical
subjects such as Information Technology
instead
, I completely disagree.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pupils’
creativity and enhance their memory. This is
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
provokes children to utilize their imagination abilities
frequently
which
Possible spelling mistake found.
solidates
the neural network related to creativity in their brains.
Moreover
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
visualize what they are going to work at
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
first and
then they work from their memories which strengthens their long-term memory. In 2009,
for instance
, a study
was conducted
on artists by Harvard University
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that artists have the same IQ level as Math scientists and less likely to have Alzheimer when they grow up.

In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. This is due to its sedating effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pupils’
brains which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them feel safe and unstressed. In Kenya,
for example
, when they introduced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
as a
Possible spelling mistake found.
seperate
subject to primary school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
among them dropped by 50%.
In contrast
, if educational authorities replaced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
by other subject,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pupils
would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
for longer hours which can lead to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
; teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
should be obligatory in all public and private schools.

To conclude
, due to their benefits such as improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
creativity and decreasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pupils
, I completely believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be taught
in all schools.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay The role of education is to prepare children for the modern world. Schools should cut art and music out of the curriculum so that children can focus on useful subjects such as information technology. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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