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Television has diminished the free time of people. It can make people lazy and not socialize with others. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Television has diminished the free time of people. It can make people lazy and not socialize with others. v. 1
Many people spend most of their leisure time watching the television and It is thus argued by some people that the television could make people idle and reduce their interaction with others. I agree with this notion because television viewing often interfere with the daily schedule of people and it encourages them to stay indoors. Firstly of all, the daily activities of some people is affected by the viewing of television. A key reason for this is that many people spend their free time watching the television, which prevents them from performing household chores such as cleaning and laundry and disrupts their sleep. This results in lateness to work and unfinished tasks in the workplace. For example, seasonal movies has been identified as an important factor for the poor academic performance of youngsters and the reduction in zeal at work among adults. Therefore, some people's work is been affected by the viewing of television, which used to be done at leisure hours but it has now crept into the secular work hours. Furthermore, many people are satified staying at home watching the television. They are not bored due to the numerous entertainment programmes shown on the television. This reduce the need to make new friends, visit old associates and involve in social events. For instance, a recent study in Nigeria revealed that the mass media has impaired on socialization efforts among the youths. Thus, many people do not interact with others due to the fact that they are preoccupied with the television. In conclusion, I suppot the view that the television could make people less social and lazy because it affects their daily activities and encourages staying indoors. Efforts towards enlightening the public about these dangers should be promoted.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend most of their leisure time watching the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
and It is
thus
argued by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
idle and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their interaction with others. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this notion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
viewing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
interfere with the daily schedule of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and it encourages them to stay indoors.

Firstly
of all, the daily activities of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by the viewing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
. A key reason for this is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend their free time watching the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
them from performing household chores such as cleaning and laundry and disrupts their sleep. This results in lateness to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and unfinished tasks in the workplace.
For example
, seasonal movies has
been identified
as an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor for the poor academic performance of youngsters and the reduction in zeal at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
among adults.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by the viewing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
be done
at leisure hours
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
crept into the secular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
hours.

Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
Possible spelling mistake found.
satified
staying at home watching the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
. They are not bored due to the numerous entertainment
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
shown on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
new friends, visit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
associates and involve in social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.
For instance
, a recent study in Nigeria revealed that the mass media has impaired on socialization efforts among the youths.
Thus
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not interact with others due to the fact that they
are preoccupied
with the television.

In conclusion
, I
Possible spelling mistake found.
suppot
the view that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
less social and lazy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it affects their daily activities and encourages staying indoors. Efforts towards enlightening the public about these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
should
be promoted
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Television has diminished the free time of people. It can make people lazy and not socialize with others. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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