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The role of education is to prepare children for the modern world. Schools should cut arts and music out of the curriculum so that children can focus on useful subjects such as information technology. To what extent to you agree or disagree? v.1

The role of education is to prepare children for the modern world. Schools should cut arts and music out of the curriculum so that children can focus on useful subjects such as information technology. v. 1
Education is playing a crucial part in developing youngsters for the challenges of modern era. Some people claim that educational institute should remove art and music from their syllabus, so that children could pay more attention to productive courses like technology. However, this essay will discuss why both information technology, and arts and music as subjects are critical for students. Studying information technology as the main subject is possessing an utmost importance in the modern world in all the countries over the world, as it has been significantly adopted in almost all fields of life. Survival in the 21st century without having knowledge about technology is getting arduous day-by-day. Schools and colleges, for instance, these days are relying more on computer-based programs while delivering lectures and conducting tests. Children who have technological-based educational background are more likely to acquire a good position in the job market of reputed companies. Therefore, the knowledge of technological learning in the school curriculum has a critical role, to cope with the need of the contemporary world. However, on the other hand, the need for music and art subjects in the syllabus is necessary for bringing creativity among younger generations. Apart from science subjects which are strictly based on scientific observations, arts such as painting, sculpture, drawing, as well as performing music are allowing learners to think out of the box and produce some unique ideas. The aforementioned subjects are responsible to sharpen the cognitive skills of youngsters. For example, a recent study has suggested that students who opt for different arts and musical subjects are more independent, confident, and bold in decision-making in their workforce environment in future prospect. Thus, it is obvious that art and music subjects are vital for the mental development of youngsters. In conclusion, this essay discussed the importance of both information technology, and art and music, as they are the requirement of the modern-day world and producing inventiveness in students, respectively. In my opinion, I completely disagree with the proposition that art and music should be skipped from the syllabus; whereas, information technology learning has equal importance.
Education is playing a crucial part in developing youngsters for the challenges of modern era.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claim that educational institute should remove
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
from their syllabus,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that children could pay more attention to productive courses like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
.
However
, this essay will discuss why both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are critical for students.

Studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
as the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
The verb 'possessing' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
is possessing
an utmost importance in the modern world in all the countries over the world, as it has been
significantly
adopted in almost all fields of life. Survival in the 21st century without having knowledge about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is getting arduous day-by-day. Schools and colleges,
for instance
, these days are relying more on computer-based programs while delivering lectures and conducting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tests
. Children who have technological-based educational background are more likely to acquire a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
position in the job market of reputed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.
Therefore
, the knowledge of technological learning in the school curriculum has a critical role, to cope with the need of the contemporary world.

However
,
on the other hand
, the need for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
in the syllabus is necessary for bringing creativity among younger generations. Apart from science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
which are
strictly
based on scientific observations,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
such as painting, sculpture, drawing,
as well
as performing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
are allowing learners to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
out of the box and produce
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
unique
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
. The aforementioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are responsible to sharpen the cognitive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of youngsters.
For example
, a recent study has suggested that students who opt for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and musical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are more independent, confident, and bold in decision-making in their workforce environment in future prospect.
Thus
, it is obvious that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are vital for the mental development of youngsters.

In conclusion
, this essay discussed the importance of both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, as they are the requirement of the modern-day world and producing inventiveness in students,
respectively
. In my opinion, I completely disagree with the proposition that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
should
be skipped
from the syllabus; whereas,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
learning has equal importance.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay The role of education is to prepare children for the modern world. Schools should cut arts and music out of the curriculum so that children can focus on useful subjects such as information technology. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
348 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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