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Employers should give their workers at least one month holiday a year as it makes them to do better at their job. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Employers should give their workers at least one month holiday a year as it makes them to do better at their job. v. 1
It is perceived by many that, the number of vacation days should be an average 30 days in a year and this may increase the workers’ performance. In my opinion, I completely agree with the above statement and further support my ideas with relevant examples. First and foremost, there a few main reasons why having a full month rest help employees to do better at work. Primarily, in today’s hectic world individuals have become extremely busy with their job and they usually stay in their workplace for a long period of time. This could mean that, during office hours they may get stressed and this might have detrimental impacts on their overall well-being. Therefore, an adequate rest is critical for recharging their batteries. Furthermore, the recent research conducted by The World Health Organization has proven that, 96 percent of new innovative ideas a technological sphere were proposed the specialists who were mentally and physically fit. Even more importantly, if companies provide less holidays to their personnel, this could not only have negative influences on their production process but also the staff’s health. In other words, if workers spend most of their time at factories, they may not be able to maintain the right balance between work and other parts of the life. There is no doubt that, this situation could create arguments in family and this psychological condition may lead to various incidents in the workplaces. According to the Economist the principal cause for the fire in Korean Manufacturing Company in 2018 was their employees’ carelessness. To recapitulate, although giving long vacations to accomplished workers is a burdensome task for some employers, I strongly believe that, if employees have appropriate holidays, this could help them to show better results at work.
It
is perceived
by
many
that, the number of vacation days should be an average 30 days in a year and this may increase the workers’ performance. In my opinion, I completely
agree
with the above statement and
further
support my
ideas
with relevant examples.

First
and foremost, there a few main reasons why having a full month rest
help
employees to do better at work.
Primarily
, in
today
’s hectic world individuals have become
extremely
busy with their
job and
they
usually
stay in their workplace for a long period of time. This could mean that, during office hours they may
get
stressed
and this might have detrimental impacts on their
overall
well-being.
Therefore
, an adequate rest is critical for recharging their batteries.
Furthermore
, the recent research conducted by The World Health Organization has proven that, 96 percent of new innovative
ideas
a technological sphere
were proposed
the specialists who were mentally and
physically
fit.

Even more
importantly
, if
companies
provide
less
holidays to their personnel, this could not
only
have
negative
influences on their production process
but
also
the staff’s health.
In other words
, if workers spend most of their time at factories, they may not be able to maintain the right balance between work and other parts of the life. There is no doubt that, this situation could create arguments in family and this psychological condition may lead to various incidents in the workplaces. According to the Economist the principal cause for the fire in Korean Manufacturing
Company
in 2018 was their employees’ carelessness.

To recapitulate, although giving long vacations to accomplished workers is a burdensome task for
some
employers, I
strongly
believe that, if employees have appropriate holidays, this could
help
them to
show
better results at work.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Employers should give their workers at least one month holiday a year as it makes them to do better at their job. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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